One Word Cont'd

Self assured.

adj. having or showing confidence and poise

adj. confident of one's own worth

I'd like 2011 to be a reflection of that quality in myself. It's the closest that I've been able to define what I want for 2011. Mostly what I want is to be comfortable in my own skin. Not to be complacent, but simply to be comfortable with who I am, and what I am, and how I am. To see myself clearly and be okay with it. To appreciate my good qualities and to accept the bad. Not to say that I shouldn't try to improve in the areas where I can, but to accept that I have certain traits, and not to beat myself up for not being some other ideal that's stuck in my head.

Tony said not long ago that he felt that I had come into my own this past year. That I was finally confident enough to be who I am regardless of who's watching. And while I love that he sees that; it's only half true. I'm not entirely there yet. That's a confidence that's still only emerging.

My goal for 2011 is to be there fully. To make positive choices. Choices that, although difficult, will be good for me. To make peace with past mistakes and let go of old grudges. To trust my own judgment. Not to long for or strive for acceptance from others, but to achieve acceptance of myself. To strengthen the relationships that I have that bring out and value the best in me and to let go of the ones that don't.

It all sounds like a bunch of self-esteem therapy talk when I re-read it, but it's where I need to be to improve myself. I have started getting my shit together this year. I've still stumbled. It hasn't been perfect. But I've been learning. I'd like to put those lessons to the greatest possible use.

One Word

To describe 2010. Wonju Wife sent me to this link today. Reverb10, it's called. The idea is to reflect on the past year and imagine what you'd like to see for the next year. Check it out if you're feeling philosophical about your life.

So what would my one word be? It's funny because I was contemplating this very thought last night. How could I sum up 2010? How could I sum up 2009? Because the two years are inextricably linked. Obviously, the years of one's life are always inextricably linked, but the events of last year have created everything in this one.

So how to sum all of that up?

2009 can be summed up in one word: rough. All I wanted at each moment of almost the entire year last year was to find myself in a much better place one year from that current moment.

2010 is harder to define. I'm definitely in a better place. But so many things are still the same. Yet different. This year hasn't been easy either. But I have learned some things. Important things. About myself. And life. And relationships. I'm in a much better place emotionally, even if my situation doesn't seem all that different than it did last year. I don't know that educational should be the word though. Growth? Movement? Evolution? Challenging? Bittersweet?

Better. I think the word for 2010 is simply "better."

Now, 2011, that will take a little more time.