Currently

I am obsessed with this little man right here. I met him on Christmas Eve morning, while I was waiting for my clothes to wash at the laundromat. I think we're soul mates. Too bad his adoption fees are kind of pricey. And that Tony is allergic to cats. Since that guy's still hanging around it would be kind of a death sentence to get a cat, since it's already hard enough to get him to come to my place half the time. Not to mention other friends who are allergic and would therefore avoid my tree-house after the introduction of the cat.

Nevertheless, I am one of those delightful people who likes both cats and dogs. I think that if I could find the right kind of cat (and I think Elliott here is that kind of cat) that Boom would be just fine with a feline in his life. I think that they'd even be friends. I even figured out where to put the litter box.

But alas, I am hoping that when I go back (because I'll end up making my way back soon enough), that he'll already have been adopted, and I won't have to long for him anymore. It's been so long since my Oreo left me. And this kitten is just so damn spunky. Oh, my heart is in knots over him.

All Garth, All The Time

Have I ever told you that I love Garth Brooks? Because I do. I grew up on that guy. And I'm going to see him live in concert on Sunday night. For only the second time in my life. That last time I was in sixth grade and I wore a fringed western shirt. This year, I don't know what I'll wear. But I could not be more excited.

My Tree

I didn't get a tree last year. The Christmas Tree is pretty much my favorite part of Christmas. It was always a big deal with my family. It's the part that brings it home. I believe in real trees. I wasn't sure that one would fit in my place. I didn't have any corners available, but I found a small one. So I got one tonight. The girls came over to help me decorate it. And he turned out beautifully. Thank you, ladies, for helping me carry on a family tradition, even while my family is so far away.

Also my first picture taken with my new camera. Super exciting!

Oh, Hangover

Last night was our Secret Santa gift exchange with the girls from work. We had a great time. I got a butter dish and a super cute silver necklace. Both of which I had mentioned that I wanted. For my recipient I got a silver locket and rose cabochon earrings. She really loved them.

We ate a ton of food and shared drinks and dancing. Summed up the night with karaoke in Printer's Alley. They let me sing so much. It was awesome.

A little too awesome.

I just ate three pieces of pizza. Now all I want is for someone to bring me one of those Starbucks salted caramel hot chocolates.

I'm watching It's A Wonderful Life. I think the chemical comedown of the hangover is making me especially susceptible the heart string pulling.

Zuzu's petals!

These Days, Or Nights, Rather

I have a lot of trouble falling asleep now. Which hasn't been a problem for me since adolescence, when I had a bedtime. I also have unpleasant dreams nearly every night. Not nightmares, just unpleasant. Just dreams where I wake up relieved to find that I'm not in a house filled with refugees ducking from a drive-by shooting, or in a fight with my mom, or missing three of my toes on my right foot, or listening to domestic violence in the apartment above me and fumbling to dial 9-1-1 before getting caught by the perpetrator.

I also have a therapist now (it's been about a year, and I'm still squeamish about admitting that). Shouldn't the relationship between these things (the sleeping) be inversely proportional to her on-going presence in my life? Since I now pay someone to listen to me talk about the unpleasant parts of my life, shouldn't I be sleeping like a baby?

Guess the brain will have its say regardless of who's listening.

Addendum:

Further pondering (while not sleeping) last night led me to the idea that perhaps my troubles with falling asleep are just the by-product of being single again. Sleeping alone for the past year, for the first time in many years, means that there is no one to wind down the day with. Maybe that's all it is. There's no pre-bedtime outlet for my brain anymore, so now it whirs itself on and on and into my dreams instead of winding down in the company of another's thoughts while both body and mind relax into sleep.

One Word Cont'd

Self assured.

adj. having or showing confidence and poise

adj. confident of one's own worth

I'd like 2011 to be a reflection of that quality in myself. It's the closest that I've been able to define what I want for 2011. Mostly what I want is to be comfortable in my own skin. Not to be complacent, but simply to be comfortable with who I am, and what I am, and how I am. To see myself clearly and be okay with it. To appreciate my good qualities and to accept the bad. Not to say that I shouldn't try to improve in the areas where I can, but to accept that I have certain traits, and not to beat myself up for not being some other ideal that's stuck in my head.

Tony said not long ago that he felt that I had come into my own this past year. That I was finally confident enough to be who I am regardless of who's watching. And while I love that he sees that; it's only half true. I'm not entirely there yet. That's a confidence that's still only emerging.

My goal for 2011 is to be there fully. To make positive choices. Choices that, although difficult, will be good for me. To make peace with past mistakes and let go of old grudges. To trust my own judgment. Not to long for or strive for acceptance from others, but to achieve acceptance of myself. To strengthen the relationships that I have that bring out and value the best in me and to let go of the ones that don't.

It all sounds like a bunch of self-esteem therapy talk when I re-read it, but it's where I need to be to improve myself. I have started getting my shit together this year. I've still stumbled. It hasn't been perfect. But I've been learning. I'd like to put those lessons to the greatest possible use.

Christmas List

So, since I'm full of stealing great blog ideas in December, I'm copying The Blonde Mule (check her out - she's on my blog roll down there) and listing the things that I want for Christmas this year. Normally, each year as Christmas approaches, when asked what I want, I draw a complete and total blank. For some reason, this year there are several things that I've had my eye on and can actually remember (but still can't afford). Funnily enough, this will be the year that my mom never asks me what I want.

Victoria's Secret Red Wool Peacoat - I've been craving a red peacoat since last year, but I'm afraid that once I get it, it will go out of style. This one's currently on sale for only $99. Someone please tell me that a classic red peacoat is a staple that will live on for generations so that I can justify its purchase!


An iPod. This is kind of self-explanatory. I already have a Shuffle. My musical collection has really expanded over the past year. I got a gift card to the Apple store for my birthday, but I haven't been able to utilize it yet. I don't know how I feel about the new nano's, and I'm not sure that I really need the gigantor Classic. It may be better to wait for the next generation anyway...but I need more space! I'd like to listen to all of my great music in the car!

A new Spartans tee. I've seen the kind that I want for other schools, but I have yet to find one for State. I want a v-neck burnout tee. See below, but Michigan State, obviously.



Knee socks from Target. They're only $2 right now! Various colors and patterns. I particularly love the argyle ones. Not the best picture, but apparently they're not available on the Target website.


A new phone. Mine is 2+ years old. The back-light on the keypad has gone out. And I've noticed that it's getting glitchier and glitchier. But in technology years, it's like 72 years old, so I can't really blame it. It has served me well. But I think it's time for a SmartPhone. I'm thinking one of the Droids, if I can convince myself to shell out the extra cash for the requisite data plan (like a grown up).


Old Navy & Target gift cards - for aforementioned Target socks. Plus, they have these fantastic boyfriend tees that I want 8,000 of. I also want to peruse Old Navy for glorious sweaters and cardigans. And some new leggings. And patterned tights. And Target seems to be the only place that sells the refills for my planner (because I am an old lady).

A good dictionary. I read a lot. Sometimes I don't know the words I read (or how to say them in real life). And by good I mean unabridged. And good.



And last but not least. This. I don't believe that any explanation is necessary.



Merry Christmas! What are you hoping for this year?

One Word

To describe 2010. Wonju Wife sent me to this link today. Reverb10, it's called. The idea is to reflect on the past year and imagine what you'd like to see for the next year. Check it out if you're feeling philosophical about your life.

So what would my one word be? It's funny because I was contemplating this very thought last night. How could I sum up 2010? How could I sum up 2009? Because the two years are inextricably linked. Obviously, the years of one's life are always inextricably linked, but the events of last year have created everything in this one.

So how to sum all of that up?

2009 can be summed up in one word: rough. All I wanted at each moment of almost the entire year last year was to find myself in a much better place one year from that current moment.

2010 is harder to define. I'm definitely in a better place. But so many things are still the same. Yet different. This year hasn't been easy either. But I have learned some things. Important things. About myself. And life. And relationships. I'm in a much better place emotionally, even if my situation doesn't seem all that different than it did last year. I don't know that educational should be the word though. Growth? Movement? Evolution? Challenging? Bittersweet?

Better. I think the word for 2010 is simply "better."

Now, 2011, that will take a little more time.