It Is Hard

Laying off that credit card when a girl's grown used to flashing the plastic on a more regular basis than she'd like to admit. But I'm doing it. It just means that I'm going to be super strapped for a while until I readjust. Or forever.

Broke

No money. Ever. Strugglin'. I mean, I can pay my bills, but I feel like I'm barely getting by. Gah. Something's gotta give here. It is so frustrating.

Changes Good

So. How does one go about making positive changes in her life? Changes that she recognizes need to be made. Changes that she's been contemplating time and again. But bad habits are hard to break. And while I can very clearly see what changes I need to be making, I never seem to be able to stick with things. For me, it's money and health. I've already addressed my gradual weight gain in a previous post, so I don't want to gripe too much. The difference between the self of my now and the self of my youth is that I know what I'm doing wrong and I know what I need to do to fix it. Really my goal is not to focus solely on calorie counts and expenditures, but rather to make healthy changes in my life and then to see the results in the way my jeans fit.

So how do people resolve to make changes and then actually stick with them? If I did it once, I can do it again.

Ch-ch-changes:

1. Stop using my credit card and start paying it off. The balance just keeps going up. I have to be firm with myself and just say no. And learn to budget better.

2. Exercise more. And in different ways. There's no excuse for this one. It gets harder for me once it gets dark and cold, but I need to suck it up and do it. Especially when I know that it actually makes me feel good. The dog is not an excuse to not go to the Y!

3. Prepare and eat nutritious meals at home. I really want to start eating more whole foods and to expand my cooking abilities. I've been wanting to do this for a few months (since I read The Omnivore's Dilemma), but I basically haven't had enough money left over to try the new recipes that I've bookmarked.

I also need to drink less beer. But I might be condemning myself to failure if I try this during the holidays. So, we'll see about that one.

Anyway, there you have it. Probably the same three things that every girl aims to change every month or two. But maybe now that I've written it down it will make me hold myself accountable?

I Am A Responsible Grown-Up...

...who takes back her new yellow iPod Nano to the Apple store upon discovery that it is not compatible with her work computer's version of iTunes (which is not version 9) instead of buying a new computer on credit to go along with her new yellow iPod.
See how responsible I am? Responsible, I say!
Sigh.
Also, area rugs...they cost as much as 5th generation 16 GB yellow Nanos, just in case you were wondering. Just in case you were trying to be a responsible grown-up who buys area rugs for your new apartment rather than flashy new Nanos that you can't utilize anyway.
Humph.
Being a grown up. Boo.

Slow Night, So Long

Well, not really. I just thought it had been a while, and I should update. I should do better. I should draft, and edit, and plan ahead, and think about what I want to write before I write it. I could probably make this better, if I tried. I'm kind of annoyed with myself for not being more consistent. It seems like work. I should look forward to it, right? Not feel guilty. What an idiot, right? Geez. It's a flipping blog that two people, okay, maybe three people, read. I guess I'm depressed. It's my pre-m.s. It took me about twelve years to realize the ways in which my lady cycle affects my thoughts. I'm still getting a hold on that one. So, I'll make a list of sorts.

1. My credit card is currently residing in my freezer. In a block of ice. In an attempt to stop using it and start paying it down. I'm certainly realizing now how often I was whipping that puppy out and charging my life away. Christmas is going to be interesting this year. My list consists of Tony and Austin. Sorry family and friends.
2. I haven' talked to my mother since October. The beginning of October. I realized this on Friday. I should call her, but I don't know what to talk about. I feel guilty about not calling her, but then I remind myself that she doesn't call me either. It's bad, where we are right now, but I don't know how to make it better. If we do talk, we'll tiptoe around the things making it bad, or we'll argue about them, but either way it will stay the same. The situation is stagnant.
3. My car wouldn't start the other night. It was hitting it's "November-piss-Nichole-off" scheduled maintenance request. Tony replaced the battery for me while I was at work. Have I ever mentioned that I have a dreamboat boyfriend? I really do. He's the reason that my credit card is in a block of ice and the only reason I'm surviving without it.
4. Say what you will about the Kings of Leon, but that new album makes me want to take my clothes off and dance. This is the PG-13 version of what it actually makes me want to do once my clothes are off, but you get the idea, no? We went to the concert. Maybe it was a mistake to stand out on the floor, but I wanted to dance. I was surrounded by high school. They made me feel old. Really old, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless. My boyfriend played the drums on my ribs the whole night. This sounds annoying, but it was actually quite endearing. It fulfilled some fantasy I've had pretty much since I discovered boys and love: watching a show with a man standing behind me and his arms wrapped around me. I'm not gonna lie, some of my dance moves were a bit wobbly, it was good to have something to hold onto.
5. The holidays are coming. It'll be weird to not eat turkey, especially since it'll probably be the most healthy and nutritious item on the menu. Oh well, there will be lots of fried, baked and otherwise concocted veggies. I'm excited about putting a tree up, that's my favorite part.
6. I'm ready to get the eff up out of this shitty, roach-infested, claustrophobic apartment. February will come, but I have a feeling that we won't be out of here for a few or more months after that.
7. I need to get back to the regularly scheduled workout regimen. Here I come, Middle Tennessee YMCA. I love what you've done with the place, now let's see what we can do with these little fatty pancakes in my trouble zones. Hello, intervals, Pilates, and strength-training. The winter is better for such things anyway.
8. TV shows you should Netflix: Californication, Weeds, Dead Like Me. TV shows I'm waiting for: Pushing Up Daisies, Ugly Betty Season 3, and Arrested Development Season 3.

Ponderous

Well, it's been kind of a boring weekend. We went to an 80's party on Friday night, which was fun. Tony and I definitely had the best costumes of all the attendees. It should be noted that only our table and about two others even knew about the theme. But the bartenders appreciated our efforts.

Other than that it's been let's lay around and talk about whether or not we should get a new dog. Tony wants one. I want one, just not in our apartment. But then I think, wouldn't it be better to have the puppy mostly trained and ready once we're in our own house, as opposed to starting it all when we're not in a rental property? We pretty much decided that we are both too indecisive about it, and that that is a sign that we aren't ready for dog #2. I did get excited about the prospect of a puppy galumphing about though.

It's time to kick in the overtime. The summer is always harder for me to focus at work. I find myself gazing out the window at the sun and dreaming of the sweet tan that I could be working on by my pool. I find myself craving half days and days off for no reason other than to not be at work.

But. My brother is coming to visit soon, and I'll need extra cash for while he's here, so I need to start padding those paychecks a little. Tony and I also want to move out of this apartment and hopefully into a house when our lease is up here, that means that I need to start paying down some debt and trying to make a little savings nest. That means I need to make more money. That means I need to work overtime. Or get a second job. I think at least until the summer is over, I'll focus on overtime.

Blegh. I'm not feeling it, but sometimes it's necessary. I've also been a little less than stellar at work lately, so I guess it's time to get back to my previous self in that respect as well.

Eeeek

Hum...so my credit card has been spiraling out of control. I realized a few months ago that since I've been paying rent (for the past year) and a car payment (for the past three years) - my income to debt ratio is not developing in a positive direction. My payments, no matter how large, to my credit card balance, never seem to make a dent. I need to seek out some extra income. I need to figure out some ways to market my skills (these include reading, writing and arithmetic, baking a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies, keeping my plants alive, and walking my dog, among other things).
After reading this book a year or two ago, I was thinking about selling my used panties on-line (anonymously, of course), but after doing a little research, I realized it was a much dirtier endeavor than I had anticipated.
To exacerbate the problem, my wonderful (no, really, they are) credit union keeps raising my credit limit every time that the balance gets a little too close to it.
I really need to reign myself in. It's just frustrating because it's not like I'm going on shopping sprees. It's either groceries, car troubles, or random things like a dinner here - okay, the bar isn't necessary. Anyway, I think I need to take some kind of class on how to live within my means. But I'm not living a champagne life on a beer budget. I'm floundering through a beer life on a beer budget. This is getting ridiculous. It's also a little too personal to be blogging about, but sometimes you just have to say wtf.

rancho carney

Two tablespoons of dressing turns out to be quite enough for a salad. Who knew?
In other news, I've got some New Quarter's Resolutions:
1) Only hit the Snooze button once.
2) Get to bed by 11 on weeknights (already breaking this one tonight as I'm going to WalMart with Tony to get Halo 3. Ooooh. Aaaah).
3) Take Boom for a walk every morning before work (excluding rain, of course).
4) Exercise during the week and get a day in on the weekend.
5) Learn to rollerskate like a pro.
6) Start blogging more.
7) Stop charging things to the credit card so I can get it paid off in a year or two.
8) Get the check engine light on my car to go off & get new tags before getting a ticket!
9) Don't get too tanked at tailgates this year.
10) Eat more vegetables.
What is it they say if you do something ten or fourteen days in a row then it becomes habit? Hmm...here's to better habits! Cheers!