Goo

I had this epiphany a year or two ago when I dropped a bit of weight that health and fitness are an uphill battle. You eat well, you get your work out in, and you feel great about it. Then you realize that you have to do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, forever and on into eternity. You never get to just sit back and hand it to yourself for the job well done and leave it be. Otherwise, all that effort will slowly dissolve back into your thighs.

Which brings me about to where I am right now. Somehow, my break-up caused me to gain weight rather than lose it. I blame it on all of the cheese and crackers I enjoyed during my first winter in the tree-house. And too much snacking at work and not enough exercise.

I've been trying to get back on track all summer (some of last year's jeans are too snug to wear!), but life always seems to get in the way. Hanging out with the girls or watching the game with the boys or working overtime instead of walking the dog. How does one balance her social agenda with her health goals and her budget? How can we ever be happy with our bodies without spending every iota focused on attaining what we want? And why am I so certain that being thinner will solve anything? I certainly wasn't happier last year, when I weighed five fewer pounds than I do now.

Ho hum. Nothing to do but plod along. Day after day. In search of balance. And fitting into last year's jeans.

Hallmark

So. Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. It has been a year. Probably the most difficult of my adult life. I have regrets and sadness and disappointment. But I have also made changes for the better. I have revelations and friends and strength and direction. I got a card from my grandma, and it seemed to hit just the right spot with me. I don't even care if it's cheesy. It's like a little mantra for the year, maybe. And unexpected bursts of love from one's family never hurt anybody.

"Life Legacies: Thoughts For My Granddaughter On Her Birthday"

Live Deep

Never stop learning, playing, or finding wonder in the world around you.

Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

Travel Light

There is no use in carrying around worry and regret.

They only weigh you down.

Always keep yourself open to hope and to love.

They give us wings.

Forgive Imperfections

in yourself and in others.

Imperfections keep things interesting.

They're the cracks where the light shines through.

Own Beautiful Things

And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day.

Surround yourself with things that make you happy, that remind you of the beauty all around us

if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make Mistakes

Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn to help us find the life that is waiting for us around the bend.

Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you.

Take Care Of Yourself

And sometimes that means you need the ice cream.

Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit.

You're the only one who can.

And Always, Always Know You Are Loved

You are a gift to this world and a blessing to me.

And that will never change.

The inscriptions says: This card says most of what I want to say but don't know how

Oh, Grandma. At this very moment I am paying back the karmic debt for all of the times I made fun of you for crying during movies, commercials and songs. I am certainly yours. Thank you.

"Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue."

At least that is what Viktor Frankl says in his book Man's Search For Meaning. We can only experience happiness by ceasing to try to achieve it. Happiness comes upon one once she stops living life for her own selfish satisfaction and devotes it to others or some life work or cause.

It's an interesting concept. I don't know if I agree wholeheartedly with the sacrifice part. But I do think that happiness eludes those who chase it.

I believe that happiness comes in moments. Happiness is not a state of mind; or something that can be captured. You can't will it. Can't pursue it. Can only wait for it to come. Instead it's a few minutes of reflection, of stepping outside ofyourself, and looking around and realizing that you enjoy the company of those surrounding you. Or that there is nothing you would change about a particular moment in time. Sometimes I think we don't even realize happiness until the moment is past. Looking back on a memory and realizing that we were utterly content for those minutes or hours. Utterly satisfied.

Happiness is fleeting. I'm trying to learn to recognize and value the moments as they come. Those memories of happiness are what make the rest of life worth what it costs us.

I Have Discovered The Secret

To coffee.

It is sugar.

Lots and lots of sugar.

Spoonfuls of sugar.

Perhaps the mounds of sugar will help quench my sweet tooth as well?