Videos

Why do my videos get cut in half? Do either of you two blog-savvy ladies who read my blog know the answer to how I fix this?

Green Hills

So I hate going to the mall. That being said, I decided yesterday that I would make the trek out to the land of compact parking spaces and S.U.V.'s in order to see if Bare Minerals make-up was all that the informercials cracked it up to be, and to use my free panty coupon at Victoria's Secret.

I wasn't super impressed with the make-up at first, but I liked it more the longer I wore it. And yet somehow, with that original goal in mind, the cashier at the Victoria's Secret store managed to sell me on Armani Face Fabric and #10 Sheer Blush with her amazing face get-up.

Now I just need someone to give me $300 spending money. Ha.

And Also

I have bangs now. They were greasy after 5 hours. I'm hoping to adjust to their presence accordingly. And hoping to learn to stop touching them so much so that they won't be so greasy. I think that my days of skipping the wash cycle may be over. I hope I can wield the utensils that this new "style" requires. I'm somewhat illiterate in the ways of womanhood. Hair is definitely one of the areas in which I could use some tutelage. Life's a dance, right? You learn as you go? Hopefully I won't look too ridiculous while I'm figuring this one out.

Twitter

I just joined. I feel like an odd sellout about it. More pressure to come up with witty slogans that prove I'm charming and funny. Really, I just checked out the site for the first time after all of this chatter about Ashton Kutcher and John Mayer. Then the website won me over with all of those cartoon birds. So pretty. You know what they say about rednecks, we like anything sparkly...
Well, that's what I heard the other day, and it certainly applies to me, so I must be a redneck. Ha, I swear the Jeff Foxworthy reference was an accident.

And just in case you were wondering, but you probably weren't, we're going to the Elite Eight!!! Awesome game. Go Green!

Missed Connections

On craigslist. Have you ever read these? I didn't know that they existed until about six months ago. Today was only my second perusal. One or two made me teary-eyed. Several made me laugh out loud. A couple were just vulgar. God. People never cease to amaze me. And this time it's in a good way.

http://nashville.craigslist.org/mis/

Shopry Mills

We went today. Have I told you how I hate shopping? Well, I do. I lost some weight over last year, and I seem to be slowly piling it back on. I guess that's the way it goes, right? Well, I wasn't really in the mood for shopping, but I had some jeans to take back to Old Navy, along with a "Free Pair of Denim On Us" card (let me say as a side note that when you're dissatisfied with a product or an experience - write a letter. Always. Write a letter, and send it to the customer service department. You never know what they'll send back to you in the hopes of remedying the situation). I had a bad experience with a pair of Old Navy jeans, and hence, the "Free Pair of Denim On Us" card was born.
Well, let me also just say that the Old Navy of Opry Mills has possibly the worst lighting ever. I tried on about eight pairs of jeans, and they all fit, but weren't necessarily the flattery that I was going for. It also didn't help that every time I removed my jeans, every dimple on my thighs and every stretchmark everywhere else were on display. Dear god, y'all would move more product if you had some dimmer lighting. It was enough to make me sink back into my old jeans and slink out of the store with only a pair of yoga pants. That's right, Old Navy, you sure showed me. I'll be working this ass out for a few months before I saunter back in there, trying on jeans in the worst-lit dressing rooms of all time.
It was "inspirational" though. Inspiration to put the Oreo's away, and head back to the Y with a vengeance. Closer to the vengeance that I had at this time last year and farther from the weak vengeance I've been mustering. I tried on the jeans that I had returned, same cut, same style, same wash, slightly thicker denim, and I felt like a sausage. It was discouraging to say the least. The only thing that made me feel better was that my incredibly fit boyfriend said the mirror also played tricks on him, making him feel that his not-quite-cut abs looked more like a beer gut. I'd be content to just get back to my September weight and then maybe start toning up those dimples that are oh-so-evident on the Old Navy mirror.
I hate coming to terms with the girls that I'm never going to be. I'm never going to be fashion forward or trendy. I'm never going to be stick straight with an awesome set of knockers. I'm never going to be spot-on with accessories or hairstyles. I wish that I could just accept these things about myself and make the most of what I've got. I'd say I do that some of the time. Sometimes I can say, you are the girl with the big booty and heels and basic tank top/cardigan/GAP sweater (that your boyfriend picked out for you). Hell, you are the girl with the boyfriend who's always going to be dressed better than you are. So get your tan in the summer, buy your tank tops, find that one pair of jeans you feel confident in, and stop worrying about it. You are who you are. You're getting a little old to not be comfortable with yourself. Oh yeah, and maybe stop eating so many Joe Joe's and get your @ss to the Y.

Dear God, I Love This Woman

Also...I want to be able to dance like that. Or rather, I want the kind of coordination that allows you to do choreographed dancing. Ha. I'd like to just learn that dance, but I have no such skills. I can't move one leg and one arm together at the same time. The only dance I've ever mastered is the Electric Slide. Choreography is not for me. Anyway, enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I also love her shiny thighs, her giant booty, and her big, glorious hair. God. The woman just exudes sex and confidence. I've been singing this song to my boyfriend all weekend.

H2Orobics

So...the class went well. I was surprised by how difficult it was. I sort of imagined standing in lines and jumping around a little and splashing. It was a bit more intense than that. We had the whole length of the pool at our disposal, and the instructor (Colleen, I think) would show us how to do something and once we got the hang of it, she would send us off down to the other end. Once you got to the end, you had to come back by doing said exercise backwards. There were one or two things that I wasn't sure I was going to make it through. (i.e. sitting on a kickboard with your legs crossed and breast-stroking your entire way to the other end of the pool while sitting up straight on the board. I thought my arms were going to come off).
There were two older dudes and another woman there when I got there. I only have one bikini, which is about...um, 4 years old, and has been begging for replacement for the past two years. I didn't want to use my undesirable bathing suit as an excuse though, so I brought a tank top to go over it, just in case. Good thing. By the end of the hour, that string bikini was sagging down to my belly button, and my butt crack was most certainly on view for the lifeguard during several jumpy-type maneuvers. Ha ha. The good thing about having people that weren't my age in there was that I was a lot less embarassed than I would have been if it had been a class full of young women.
It was a good experience though. I'm definitely going to make it a once a week endeavor, but I'm definitely going to have to get a one-piece.
Tonight is the cardio kickbox class that I've been wanting to go to for the past month or two. I've been afraid to go by myself, but now that I've gone to one alone, I feel a little more confident. Although I'm still super nervous. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep up. But I think I'm going to suck it up and go anyway. We'll see...whew.

I Had No Idea...No, Really

Well, until J.K. Rowling outed Dumbley-dore last week, I had no idea what fanfiction was. No idea that there are people so inspired by Harry Potter (and LOTR and Star Trek) that they make up their own stories, art, and character relationships based on her characters. No idea that there are websites and magazines totally devoted to these discussions and ideas and works of fiction/art. So I decided to browse a little, and check wikipedia.org (my favorite source for all things knowable), and lo and behold...there are even genres based on homosexual relationships between the characters - slash!
So I checked out some sites. I found one that focuses exclusively on relationships between Hermione/Harry, Malfoy/Ginny, Ron/Luna & Lily/James. Note that the last one is the only one that stays true to the book, and also that Ron gets stuck with Looney (apparently he's not good enough for Hermione...that's a whole different discussion for another day). Well, I'm not going to get into all of those aspects of whether I agree or disagree with what some people like to think about HP & Company.
I guess it just makes me wonder if I'm far less creative than other fans. I mean, it just doesn't occur to me to sit down and write an ending for Harry that's different from the one that Rowling has given him. And I certainly don't want to imagine these characters in explicit sexual situations. That's why I chose to read a children's/fantasty book about an eleven year old. Yes, I know that they all get older, and we get some snogging (yea!), but I don't want to imagine Harry in a situation any more compromising than that. I have to admit that while I do see the creativity there, and the imagination in saying, "Well, she did this with them, but what if it went this way..." I think I'm far more content to let it stay Rowling's work and Rowling's creation. To me, I have no authority to go around changing what she's chosen for her own characters or re-writing the world that she's made for me. Then again..."maybe I'm just like my father, he's never satisfied." Ha ha.
After my perusing I again was left with that feeling of being amazed by the many sub-cultures in our world. And also being a little excited that there are definitely people in the world that are far more concerned with the magical world created by J.K. than I am. This is yet another "whole 'nother world" that I had absolutely no awareness of until a week ago, and yet it has been putting right along for years.
Humph.

The SartoriaList

So my friend, Jen, introduced me to one of her girlfriends who just so happens to be a fashionista. And I mean this in the most literal sense of the term. She's a stylist who works with all kinds of clients and lived in New York and was a fashion editor and crazy, crazy life - I'm always so inspired and slightly intimidated by such people - who I always feel have lived so much more than me.
I somehow ended up in a store with her at the mall, and I went into instapanica about what I was wearing and what I was buying and how none of it was remotely fashionable in the trendsetting sense of the term. Or in any term besides high school American Eagle-wear. Not exactly high fashion. Or any fashion, unless you're still seventeen. Which apparently, I am. Well, anyway, Libby-fashionista-pants mentioned the SartoriaList.com and how she loves it so. I had no idea what it was and decided to check it out.
And wow. Do I feel un-stylish. Do I feel like a child. Do I feel like a virgin thrown into a cell with a pack of prostitutes. Not to imply that the stylish are whores. Just trying to analogize my feeling of being completely and utterly ignorant of entire facets of life.
So anyway, I try to check it every few days and see what he's posted. Sometimes I like the pics. Sometimes I hate them. I esp. like when he gives an explanation for why he liked a certain person, because it helps me understand things like balance and shape that I wouldn't think of on my own. Often when he doesn't do this, I feel totally lost, and I think that really, an attractive, thin person can get away with anything. Because sometimes that's all it looks like to me.
But hey, his whole philosophy for starting the site was to shoot pics of people with style that inspired him. So far the inspiration is much smaller for me than the incredible fear of what he'd think of me if he saw me walking down the street. It's not as if I'm hideous, but I'm mostly a simple basics kind of girl. No skinny jeans, no balloon tops, no bondage type heels. Call me practical, but well, I think I'll always prefer a nicely shaped dress to the above. I have accepted my non-trendiness. I will never be that girl who has all of the latest fall fashions, a slim figure, flawless makeup and a great haircut. (Although I'm starting to think that everyone who lives in a major city is this woman. Boy, am I starting to sympathize with Ugly Betty. I knew there was a reason that I loved her). I am lucky to have maybe good hair and a pair of jeans that I like. I watch The Hills, and I'm just amazed by the constant flow of trendy clothing. Nevermind actually choosing what to wear, I couldn't afford it if I could locate a sense of style!
But alas, I am going to keep checking in every so often, even if I never get the balls to comment on how I think that bag she's carrying looks like an 80's gym bag and is so not cute to me. I'm open to inspiration. I'm open to trying something a little outside of my box. So I'll keep looking and see what he's got. Maybe sometime there will be something that I'm not too afraid to consider.