The SartoriaList

So my friend, Jen, introduced me to one of her girlfriends who just so happens to be a fashionista. And I mean this in the most literal sense of the term. She's a stylist who works with all kinds of clients and lived in New York and was a fashion editor and crazy, crazy life - I'm always so inspired and slightly intimidated by such people - who I always feel have lived so much more than me.
I somehow ended up in a store with her at the mall, and I went into instapanica about what I was wearing and what I was buying and how none of it was remotely fashionable in the trendsetting sense of the term. Or in any term besides high school American Eagle-wear. Not exactly high fashion. Or any fashion, unless you're still seventeen. Which apparently, I am. Well, anyway, Libby-fashionista-pants mentioned the SartoriaList.com and how she loves it so. I had no idea what it was and decided to check it out.
And wow. Do I feel un-stylish. Do I feel like a child. Do I feel like a virgin thrown into a cell with a pack of prostitutes. Not to imply that the stylish are whores. Just trying to analogize my feeling of being completely and utterly ignorant of entire facets of life.
So anyway, I try to check it every few days and see what he's posted. Sometimes I like the pics. Sometimes I hate them. I esp. like when he gives an explanation for why he liked a certain person, because it helps me understand things like balance and shape that I wouldn't think of on my own. Often when he doesn't do this, I feel totally lost, and I think that really, an attractive, thin person can get away with anything. Because sometimes that's all it looks like to me.
But hey, his whole philosophy for starting the site was to shoot pics of people with style that inspired him. So far the inspiration is much smaller for me than the incredible fear of what he'd think of me if he saw me walking down the street. It's not as if I'm hideous, but I'm mostly a simple basics kind of girl. No skinny jeans, no balloon tops, no bondage type heels. Call me practical, but well, I think I'll always prefer a nicely shaped dress to the above. I have accepted my non-trendiness. I will never be that girl who has all of the latest fall fashions, a slim figure, flawless makeup and a great haircut. (Although I'm starting to think that everyone who lives in a major city is this woman. Boy, am I starting to sympathize with Ugly Betty. I knew there was a reason that I loved her). I am lucky to have maybe good hair and a pair of jeans that I like. I watch The Hills, and I'm just amazed by the constant flow of trendy clothing. Nevermind actually choosing what to wear, I couldn't afford it if I could locate a sense of style!
But alas, I am going to keep checking in every so often, even if I never get the balls to comment on how I think that bag she's carrying looks like an 80's gym bag and is so not cute to me. I'm open to inspiration. I'm open to trying something a little outside of my box. So I'll keep looking and see what he's got. Maybe sometime there will be something that I'm not too afraid to consider.

rancho carney

Two tablespoons of dressing turns out to be quite enough for a salad. Who knew?
In other news, I've got some New Quarter's Resolutions:
1) Only hit the Snooze button once.
2) Get to bed by 11 on weeknights (already breaking this one tonight as I'm going to WalMart with Tony to get Halo 3. Ooooh. Aaaah).
3) Take Boom for a walk every morning before work (excluding rain, of course).
4) Exercise during the week and get a day in on the weekend.
5) Learn to rollerskate like a pro.
6) Start blogging more.
7) Stop charging things to the credit card so I can get it paid off in a year or two.
8) Get the check engine light on my car to go off & get new tags before getting a ticket!
9) Don't get too tanked at tailgates this year.
10) Eat more vegetables.
What is it they say if you do something ten or fourteen days in a row then it becomes habit? Hmm...here's to better habits! Cheers!

spring cleaning

So I've changed a few things around here. That darkness just wasn't for me. I needed some brightness around here. Also, I'll be writing with correct punctuation, I think.
I've started reading The Hobbit for my book club, which I've read many times, but not in the last few years, and I was struck by a sentence, so I'll share. Here's the sentence: "The dark came into the room from the little window that opened in the side of The Hill..." (Tolkien 21)*. Anyway, I liked the idea of the darkness coming in rather than the light going out. Maybe it's not that novel, but it struck me as a nice sentence. The only bad thing about library books is that you can't make notes in them. I love reading a book that I've made notes in years after the fact and seeing how much I have changed in my reactions to things.
Beyond themes of darkness...nothing. That's all there is today. Besides my 9-layer Tuscan lasagna (a la Sam's Choice brand) of which I will momentarily be enjoying a second helping.
More tomorrow about the crazy creditors and the difference between nauseous and nauseating.

*You're not getting a bibliography, so that's the extent of my citing.

so i've done a terrible job

I've managed to let 6 months pass without writing a single thing. Way to stick to your guns, Nichole. Well, I realized what part of the problem is. Writing a good blog requires reflection. Not just something funny or witty or embarassing, but taking a look at a moment of your day and realizing the importance of it, or putting two and two together to learn some kind of lesson. So I think that may be why I've been so intimidated recently, because I have been thinking about what to write (but not actually writing) for a while. Also, I tend to lean toward more depressing/honest topics for this blog, which scares me when I think that people I actually know may be reading it.
So here's to starting all over again, and reflecting on things.

things i have learned today

Well, I stayed home sick from work today. Some kind of allergy/cold thing. I watched a lot of daytime TV and slept. I wouldn't say it was nice, since I felt like crap for most of it, but I did learn some interesting things.
1. Bob Barker puts up with some crazy ass weirdos on that show. I'll bet that he is counting down the days toward his retirement with an unparalleled anticipation.
2. A lot of old people are home during the day. You can tell by the commercials that are played during a show who the network believes is in the audience. Soap operas - diaper commercials. MTV - video game and condom commercials. America's Next Top Model - e.p.t. and Cover Girl commercials. The Price Is Right - Colonial Penn Life Insurance and those little motorized scooter commercials. And Rx commercials. I can't count the number of times I heard the word "Medicare" today.
3. The human body is an amazing thing. All those Lipitor and osteoporosis commercials really made me think about the human body and what a finely tuned instrument it is. With all those organs and systems and cells and parts working together, it's amazing that we work at all. When you think of the human body as just an earthly vessel, it's not surprising to find that in the end we all break down.
4. The side effects of a drug, regardless of its benefits, are enough to scare me away from it. It amazes me that we ever found medicine in the first place, given that the medicine we're taking for our blood pressure or cholesterol affects our liver function and vice versa. Fixing one thing in the body can have far-reaching and unknown consequences in some other part. How do doctors even know where to look for side effects when they're testing these meds to be sure that they are safe? It boggles the mind.
5. Ice cream sandwiches must have been created with the intent of soothing a sore throat. They are cold and soothing (and delicious) with a layer of graham cracker-like protection to shield the teeth from too much cold when taking delectable bites. Their major flaw is that they aren't all that good for me and that they can't be ingested in a continuous flow.

reverse psychology

ok, so i am a book reader. i love reading, and i love books. i am often that person who read the book first and never likes the movie, because movies can never live up to the books that they're based on. it's a fact. like i would get really pissed about the harry potter movies, and how they would add elements to it that weren't anywhere in the book - like those stupid shrunken heads on the knight bus, and aunt marge floating through the neighborhood in the prisoner of azkaban, all the while leaving out the entire explanation of the animagi and the marauder's map. now, i know i sound like a total dork right now, but i think i stated above that i love reading.
so anyway, i get really mad when the movies don't stay true to the books. it's as if the book didn't provide enough wit or humor or feeling or plot, and the producers and editors and screen adaptors thought they could do better.
now don't get me wrong, i understand that books are far more dense than the amount of time available for a movie. so anyway, this time i did it the other way around. i watched the movie about a boy back when it came out, and i absolutely loved it. it took me a while to realize that it was a book first, and it took me even longer to find the book.
so now, i have just finished it today. and i must say that i am soooo glad i watched the movie first, because although it takes part of the excitement away knowing what's going to happen, i would have hated the movie had i read the book first. the movie sticks with the plot, and a lot of the lines were worked in, but the ending is totally different. and while the movie ending is cute, the book's ending is preferable.
look - only took the weekend off - i'm improving! even if this entry IS fodder.

ok, well

so i haven't done a very good job at all. half of march has gone by, and this is only my second blog. but i am making a commitment to do better.
i've been feeling depressed lately. not sure what it is. well, some things i can identify, and others i can't. por ejemplo, when i get bored i pore over myspace. i notice that some people say things like, "i love my life" in their about me's. even my boyfriend tells me he loves his life. and i think to myself, "what would it take for you to make that declaration?" sometimes i think i don't even like myself that much anymore. and i don't know why. i'm not a particularly horrible person. i guess i've always been insecure, but it seems to be getting worse with age.
i think a big part of it is that i don't feel like i'm doing anything with my life. i mean, i have a good job and i enjoy the people i work with and i like the company i work for. but i sometimes wonder if i'm settling. my problem is that college was my main goal. going to michigan state is the goal i made, and i stuck to it, and i graduated, but i guess i've felt sort of lost ever since. i was so good at school that even as a college student i wasn't really thinking about a career or being a grown up. i was just enjoying all that learning and having trouble figuring out where it was going to take me.
my freshman year of high school one of my teachers got mad at me, because i was in the standard pre-algebra class and not the honor's one. she kept hounding me to get into the honor's class, but math was my weakest subject, and i was afraid to do poorly, so i avoided it. also, it would require me to rearrange my entire schedule, and i already liked all of the people in my classes. one day she pulled me aside and, well, she didn't yell, but she lectured...and she told me that i was "coasting". "you are coasting," she said, "you should be taking the honor's class."
anyway, my point is that i know i'm coasting now. and there's no mrs. seymore to push me. i've always been afraid of failing, and i've always been seeking someone's approval, and i don't know what i should be doing. for fear of sucking i'm coasting.
so i guess i have to decide what to do about it. or maybe i need to work on being less critical and try to start appreciating all the things that i do have. or maybe i need to do both.