adj. having or showing confidence and poise
adj. confident of one's own worth
I'd like 2011 to be a reflection of that quality in myself. It's the closest that I've been able to define what I want for 2011. Mostly what I want is to be comfortable in my own skin. Not to be complacent, but simply to be comfortable with who I am, and what I am, and how I am. To see myself clearly and be okay with it. To appreciate my good qualities and to accept the bad. Not to say that I shouldn't try to improve in the areas where I can, but to accept that I have certain traits, and not to beat myself up for not being some other ideal that's stuck in my head.
Tony said not long ago that he felt that I had come into my own this past year. That I was finally confident enough to be who I am regardless of who's watching. And while I love that he sees that; it's only half true. I'm not entirely there yet. That's a confidence that's still only emerging.
My goal for 2011 is to be there fully. To make positive choices. Choices that, although difficult, will be good for me. To make peace with past mistakes and let go of old grudges. To trust my own judgment. Not to long for or strive for acceptance from others, but to achieve acceptance of myself. To strengthen the relationships that I have that bring out and value the best in me and to let go of the ones that don't.
It all sounds like a bunch of self-esteem therapy talk when I re-read it, but it's where I need to be to improve myself. I have started getting my shit together this year. I've still stumbled. It hasn't been perfect. But I've been learning. I'd like to put those lessons to the greatest possible use.
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