Thursday, September 27, 2007

Torture

Why must office ladies place fishbowls full of candy on their desks? Don't they know my weakness? Yes, I think they do. Are they just trying to show off their invulnerability? Now I must spend my day averting my eyes from the Tootsie Rolls that are haunting me. Grrrr.
Everything in moderation, right? Just eat one or two. Well, my belly knows no moderation. It's sort of an all-or-nothing thing with me. So I must resist all day, until about 5:30. Because once I pop, I literally cannot stop. I know this because on Tuesday I ate 14 Tootsie Roll midgees and four Starbursts. I know this because I was thinking the damage wasn't so bad, and when I doubted myself I decided that the only way to know for sure was to count the wrappers in my garbage can. Yes, by 6:00 that evening my tally was 14.
Once I've let myself have five or six, I think, "Ok, I'll just eat them all today and then I won't be susceptible to their charms anymore because they'll be gone." Then I get to work the next morning, and the bowl has magically refilled. Horror of horrors.
So anyway, I had cut out the sweets at work for the most part (and this was mainly because the supply had ceased to exist), and now I have to retrain myself again. It would be so much easier if she would just stop putting them out there. I must be strong. Sometimes I feel like maybe I do know what it's like to quit smoking, because I am certainly addicted to sugar.
Here's to day 1 of sobriety.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The SartoriaList

So my friend, Jen, introduced me to one of her girlfriends who just so happens to be a fashionista. And I mean this in the most literal sense of the term. She's a stylist who works with all kinds of clients and lived in New York and was a fashion editor and crazy, crazy life - I'm always so inspired and slightly intimidated by such people - who I always feel have lived so much more than me.
I somehow ended up in a store with her at the mall, and I went into instapanica about what I was wearing and what I was buying and how none of it was remotely fashionable in the trendsetting sense of the term. Or in any term besides high school American Eagle-wear. Not exactly high fashion. Or any fashion, unless you're still seventeen. Which apparently, I am. Well, anyway, Libby-fashionista-pants mentioned the SartoriaList.com and how she loves it so. I had no idea what it was and decided to check it out.
And wow. Do I feel un-stylish. Do I feel like a child. Do I feel like a virgin thrown into a cell with a pack of prostitutes. Not to imply that the stylish are whores. Just trying to analogize my feeling of being completely and utterly ignorant of entire facets of life.
So anyway, I try to check it every few days and see what he's posted. Sometimes I like the pics. Sometimes I hate them. I esp. like when he gives an explanation for why he liked a certain person, because it helps me understand things like balance and shape that I wouldn't think of on my own. Often when he doesn't do this, I feel totally lost, and I think that really, an attractive, thin person can get away with anything. Because sometimes that's all it looks like to me.
But hey, his whole philosophy for starting the site was to shoot pics of people with style that inspired him. So far the inspiration is much smaller for me than the incredible fear of what he'd think of me if he saw me walking down the street. It's not as if I'm hideous, but I'm mostly a simple basics kind of girl. No skinny jeans, no balloon tops, no bondage type heels. Call me practical, but well, I think I'll always prefer a nicely shaped dress to the above. I have accepted my non-trendiness. I will never be that girl who has all of the latest fall fashions, a slim figure, flawless makeup and a great haircut. (Although I'm starting to think that everyone who lives in a major city is this woman. Boy, am I starting to sympathize with Ugly Betty. I knew there was a reason that I loved her). I am lucky to have maybe good hair and a pair of jeans that I like. I watch The Hills, and I'm just amazed by the constant flow of trendy clothing. Nevermind actually choosing what to wear, I couldn't afford it if I could locate a sense of style!
But alas, I am going to keep checking in every so often, even if I never get the balls to comment on how I think that bag she's carrying looks like an 80's gym bag and is so not cute to me. I'm open to inspiration. I'm open to trying something a little outside of my box. So I'll keep looking and see what he's got. Maybe sometime there will be something that I'm not too afraid to consider.

Monday, September 24, 2007

rancho carney

Two tablespoons of dressing turns out to be quite enough for a salad. Who knew?
In other news, I've got some New Quarter's Resolutions:
1) Only hit the Snooze button once.
2) Get to bed by 11 on weeknights (already breaking this one tonight as I'm going to WalMart with Tony to get Halo 3. Ooooh. Aaaah).
3) Take Boom for a walk every morning before work (excluding rain, of course).
4) Exercise during the week and get a day in on the weekend.
5) Learn to rollerskate like a pro.
6) Start blogging more.
7) Stop charging things to the credit card so I can get it paid off in a year or two.
8) Get the check engine light on my car to go off & get new tags before getting a ticket!
9) Don't get too tanked at tailgates this year.
10) Eat more vegetables.
What is it they say if you do something ten or fourteen days in a row then it becomes habit? Hmm...here's to better habits! Cheers!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

spring cleaning

So I've changed a few things around here. That darkness just wasn't for me. I needed some brightness around here. Also, I'll be writing with correct punctuation, I think.
I've started reading The Hobbit for my book club, which I've read many times, but not in the last few years, and I was struck by a sentence, so I'll share. Here's the sentence: "The dark came into the room from the little window that opened in the side of The Hill..." (Tolkien 21)*. Anyway, I liked the idea of the darkness coming in rather than the light going out. Maybe it's not that novel, but it struck me as a nice sentence. The only bad thing about library books is that you can't make notes in them. I love reading a book that I've made notes in years after the fact and seeing how much I have changed in my reactions to things.
Beyond themes of darkness...nothing. That's all there is today. Besides my 9-layer Tuscan lasagna (a la Sam's Choice brand) of which I will momentarily be enjoying a second helping.
More tomorrow about the crazy creditors and the difference between nauseous and nauseating.

*You're not getting a bibliography, so that's the extent of my citing.

Monday, September 17, 2007

so i've done a terrible job

I've managed to let 6 months pass without writing a single thing. Way to stick to your guns, Nichole. Well, I realized what part of the problem is. Writing a good blog requires reflection. Not just something funny or witty or embarassing, but taking a look at a moment of your day and realizing the importance of it, or putting two and two together to learn some kind of lesson. So I think that may be why I've been so intimidated recently, because I have been thinking about what to write (but not actually writing) for a while. Also, I tend to lean toward more depressing/honest topics for this blog, which scares me when I think that people I actually know may be reading it.
So here's to starting all over again, and reflecting on things.