Currently

I am obsessed with this little man right here. I met him on Christmas Eve morning, while I was waiting for my clothes to wash at the laundromat. I think we're soul mates. Too bad his adoption fees are kind of pricey. And that Tony is allergic to cats. Since that guy's still hanging around it would be kind of a death sentence to get a cat, since it's already hard enough to get him to come to my place half the time. Not to mention other friends who are allergic and would therefore avoid my tree-house after the introduction of the cat.

Nevertheless, I am one of those delightful people who likes both cats and dogs. I think that if I could find the right kind of cat (and I think Elliott here is that kind of cat) that Boom would be just fine with a feline in his life. I think that they'd even be friends. I even figured out where to put the litter box.

But alas, I am hoping that when I go back (because I'll end up making my way back soon enough), that he'll already have been adopted, and I won't have to long for him anymore. It's been so long since my Oreo left me. And this kitten is just so damn spunky. Oh, my heart is in knots over him.

All Garth, All The Time

Have I ever told you that I love Garth Brooks? Because I do. I grew up on that guy. And I'm going to see him live in concert on Sunday night. For only the second time in my life. That last time I was in sixth grade and I wore a fringed western shirt. This year, I don't know what I'll wear. But I could not be more excited.

My Tree

I didn't get a tree last year. The Christmas Tree is pretty much my favorite part of Christmas. It was always a big deal with my family. It's the part that brings it home. I believe in real trees. I wasn't sure that one would fit in my place. I didn't have any corners available, but I found a small one. So I got one tonight. The girls came over to help me decorate it. And he turned out beautifully. Thank you, ladies, for helping me carry on a family tradition, even while my family is so far away.

Also my first picture taken with my new camera. Super exciting!

Oh, Hangover

Last night was our Secret Santa gift exchange with the girls from work. We had a great time. I got a butter dish and a super cute silver necklace. Both of which I had mentioned that I wanted. For my recipient I got a silver locket and rose cabochon earrings. She really loved them.

We ate a ton of food and shared drinks and dancing. Summed up the night with karaoke in Printer's Alley. They let me sing so much. It was awesome.

A little too awesome.

I just ate three pieces of pizza. Now all I want is for someone to bring me one of those Starbucks salted caramel hot chocolates.

I'm watching It's A Wonderful Life. I think the chemical comedown of the hangover is making me especially susceptible the heart string pulling.

Zuzu's petals!

These Days, Or Nights, Rather

I have a lot of trouble falling asleep now. Which hasn't been a problem for me since adolescence, when I had a bedtime. I also have unpleasant dreams nearly every night. Not nightmares, just unpleasant. Just dreams where I wake up relieved to find that I'm not in a house filled with refugees ducking from a drive-by shooting, or in a fight with my mom, or missing three of my toes on my right foot, or listening to domestic violence in the apartment above me and fumbling to dial 9-1-1 before getting caught by the perpetrator.

I also have a therapist now (it's been about a year, and I'm still squeamish about admitting that). Shouldn't the relationship between these things (the sleeping) be inversely proportional to her on-going presence in my life? Since I now pay someone to listen to me talk about the unpleasant parts of my life, shouldn't I be sleeping like a baby?

Guess the brain will have its say regardless of who's listening.

Addendum:

Further pondering (while not sleeping) last night led me to the idea that perhaps my troubles with falling asleep are just the by-product of being single again. Sleeping alone for the past year, for the first time in many years, means that there is no one to wind down the day with. Maybe that's all it is. There's no pre-bedtime outlet for my brain anymore, so now it whirs itself on and on and into my dreams instead of winding down in the company of another's thoughts while both body and mind relax into sleep.

One Word Cont'd

Self assured.

adj. having or showing confidence and poise

adj. confident of one's own worth

I'd like 2011 to be a reflection of that quality in myself. It's the closest that I've been able to define what I want for 2011. Mostly what I want is to be comfortable in my own skin. Not to be complacent, but simply to be comfortable with who I am, and what I am, and how I am. To see myself clearly and be okay with it. To appreciate my good qualities and to accept the bad. Not to say that I shouldn't try to improve in the areas where I can, but to accept that I have certain traits, and not to beat myself up for not being some other ideal that's stuck in my head.

Tony said not long ago that he felt that I had come into my own this past year. That I was finally confident enough to be who I am regardless of who's watching. And while I love that he sees that; it's only half true. I'm not entirely there yet. That's a confidence that's still only emerging.

My goal for 2011 is to be there fully. To make positive choices. Choices that, although difficult, will be good for me. To make peace with past mistakes and let go of old grudges. To trust my own judgment. Not to long for or strive for acceptance from others, but to achieve acceptance of myself. To strengthen the relationships that I have that bring out and value the best in me and to let go of the ones that don't.

It all sounds like a bunch of self-esteem therapy talk when I re-read it, but it's where I need to be to improve myself. I have started getting my shit together this year. I've still stumbled. It hasn't been perfect. But I've been learning. I'd like to put those lessons to the greatest possible use.

Christmas List

So, since I'm full of stealing great blog ideas in December, I'm copying The Blonde Mule (check her out - she's on my blog roll down there) and listing the things that I want for Christmas this year. Normally, each year as Christmas approaches, when asked what I want, I draw a complete and total blank. For some reason, this year there are several things that I've had my eye on and can actually remember (but still can't afford). Funnily enough, this will be the year that my mom never asks me what I want.

Victoria's Secret Red Wool Peacoat - I've been craving a red peacoat since last year, but I'm afraid that once I get it, it will go out of style. This one's currently on sale for only $99. Someone please tell me that a classic red peacoat is a staple that will live on for generations so that I can justify its purchase!


An iPod. This is kind of self-explanatory. I already have a Shuffle. My musical collection has really expanded over the past year. I got a gift card to the Apple store for my birthday, but I haven't been able to utilize it yet. I don't know how I feel about the new nano's, and I'm not sure that I really need the gigantor Classic. It may be better to wait for the next generation anyway...but I need more space! I'd like to listen to all of my great music in the car!

A new Spartans tee. I've seen the kind that I want for other schools, but I have yet to find one for State. I want a v-neck burnout tee. See below, but Michigan State, obviously.



Knee socks from Target. They're only $2 right now! Various colors and patterns. I particularly love the argyle ones. Not the best picture, but apparently they're not available on the Target website.


A new phone. Mine is 2+ years old. The back-light on the keypad has gone out. And I've noticed that it's getting glitchier and glitchier. But in technology years, it's like 72 years old, so I can't really blame it. It has served me well. But I think it's time for a SmartPhone. I'm thinking one of the Droids, if I can convince myself to shell out the extra cash for the requisite data plan (like a grown up).


Old Navy & Target gift cards - for aforementioned Target socks. Plus, they have these fantastic boyfriend tees that I want 8,000 of. I also want to peruse Old Navy for glorious sweaters and cardigans. And some new leggings. And patterned tights. And Target seems to be the only place that sells the refills for my planner (because I am an old lady).

A good dictionary. I read a lot. Sometimes I don't know the words I read (or how to say them in real life). And by good I mean unabridged. And good.



And last but not least. This. I don't believe that any explanation is necessary.



Merry Christmas! What are you hoping for this year?

One Word

To describe 2010. Wonju Wife sent me to this link today. Reverb10, it's called. The idea is to reflect on the past year and imagine what you'd like to see for the next year. Check it out if you're feeling philosophical about your life.

So what would my one word be? It's funny because I was contemplating this very thought last night. How could I sum up 2010? How could I sum up 2009? Because the two years are inextricably linked. Obviously, the years of one's life are always inextricably linked, but the events of last year have created everything in this one.

So how to sum all of that up?

2009 can be summed up in one word: rough. All I wanted at each moment of almost the entire year last year was to find myself in a much better place one year from that current moment.

2010 is harder to define. I'm definitely in a better place. But so many things are still the same. Yet different. This year hasn't been easy either. But I have learned some things. Important things. About myself. And life. And relationships. I'm in a much better place emotionally, even if my situation doesn't seem all that different than it did last year. I don't know that educational should be the word though. Growth? Movement? Evolution? Challenging? Bittersweet?

Better. I think the word for 2010 is simply "better."

Now, 2011, that will take a little more time.

Tangled

I saw it this weekend. It was lovely. I will generally go for anything computer animated with either the word Disney or Pixar in it, so it wasn't a big stretch for me. This one is a musical, in the style of the (non-computer) animated movies I grew up on, which I haven't experienced in a while. I found myself drawing parallels between each song and some scene from Aladdin or Beauty And The Beast from my youth. Granted all of the movies are based on the same premise so the songs are bound to have recurring themes. But I kept trying to imagine children who would grow up singing these songs their entire lives after watching Tangled 8 million times. Like the way I still know the words to "Kiss The Girl" and "A Whole New World." God. I am getting old.

But, I digress. I was not disappointed. It was gorgeous. It was funny and heartwarming, and it was fun to watch with a theater full of children. The characters were endearing and the plot was well timed and constructed. There were a couple of scenes that were truly beautiful. It was predictable, yes. But there was a poignant moment when everything went wrong, and the little girl I'd gone with started crying about the unfortunate turn of events. And her mom leaned over and told her not to be upset, that everything would work out. And so, yeah, isn't that the reason we go in the first place?

So, I really, really loved it. You should too.

MixTape

After much agonizing, behold, it's The Wintry Mix of 2010:

1. Big Jet Plane - Angus & Julia Stone - Down The Way

2. Sounds Like Hallelujah - The Head & The Heart - The Head & The Heart

3. Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez - Veneer

4. Off The Ground (Dub Remix) - Citizen Cope

5. Pyro - Kings Of Leon - Come Around Sundown

6. What Part Of Forever - Cee Lo Green

7. Airplanes - Local Natives - Gorilla Manor

8. Love Is Hard - James Morrison - Songs For You, Truth For Me

9. Hustle Blood - Big Boi feat. Jamie Foxx - Sir Lucious Left Foot...The Son Of Chico Dusty

10. Heart Skipped A Beat - The xx - xx

11. So Far Around The Bend - National

12. The Verb - The Swell Season - Strict Joy

13. 9 Crimes (Demo) - Damien Rice - 9

14. Gone - NSYNC - Celebrity

15. 3 Rounds And A Sound - Blind Pilot

16. Last Kiss - Taylor Swift - Speak Now

17. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams - Heartbreaker

18. When The Night Comes - Dan Auerbach - Keep It Hid

So it's maybe not exactly perfectly what I had envisioned, but it's not a bad mix. Follow the links if you have some time.

Down The Way

Angus & Julia Stone: my musical crush of the moment. A brother/sister duo from Australia. I was recently introduced to their sophomore album, and I really can't stop playing it. It's gorgeous, mellow, sultry winter music. Makes you (and by you I mean me) want to settle in around a table with good friends, some sort of dark liquor in hand, fireside, with stories and board games.
I don't think I've ever said this before, but I'm sort of ready for the winter.
I'm working on a winter mix tape. I'll be sure to share it on here once it's complete. In the meantime, this song is sure to be featured:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFTvbcNhEgc

(Sorry, y'all, my internet savvy is relatively lacking, and the embed code was disabled, so link it is).

Broke

No money. Ever. Strugglin'. I mean, I can pay my bills, but I feel like I'm barely getting by. Gah. Something's gotta give here. It is so frustrating.

Recipe Reviews

So I made the first three recipes. The Spicy Cauliflower Stew turned out deliciously. The goat cheese gave it a great flavor. The second one didn't turn out as well. I used fat free milk instead of 1%, and so my creamy sauce didn't thicken the way it should have. Tonight I made the Vegetable Pie, and I had the same problem. I used less milk 'cause I thought that would help with the thickening, and it looked very promising until I baked it. The sauce got really thin during baking and lost all resemblance to the picture. It just looked watery. No creaminess. Next time I'll be sure to get 1%. I guess chemistry requires a little fat.

Now I'm making chocolate chip cookies. They never let me down. I've got that recipe down pat.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by some girls from work, and I'm making a butternut squash apple casserole. I hope it will be good. If not, I'll ply them with the cookies to distract them.

Recipes On Tap

Here are the four recipes that I'll be making this week (I figure since I cook for one I'll get two to three meals out of each dish):

1) Spicy Cauliflower Stew With Spinach - features carrots, cauliflower, red potatoes and spinach (from Time Life's Great Taste Low Fat Vegetables Cookbook). Flavored with garlic, dijon mustard, goat cheese, and yogurt.

2) Pasta With Vegetables In A Creamy Cheese Sauce - features scallions, bell peppers, cauliflower, and rotini (from Time Life's Great Taste Low Fat Vegetables Cookbook). Flavored with salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, and Cheddar and Parmesan cheeses.

3) Vegetable Pie - features potatoes, rutabaga, parsnips, mushrooms, pearl onions, carrots, and green beans (from Time Life's Great Taste Low Fat Vegetables recipe). Flavored with garlic, salt, black pepper, milk, sage, and Parmesan cheese.

4) Spicy Kale With Baked Salmon - features kale and onions flavored with vinegar and red pepper flakes (from Moosewood Restaurant Cooks At Home). The salmon isn't from a recipe book (just my brain) so I'll probably just cook with olive oil and some 21 Spice from Trader Joe's.

So I'm pretty excited about making these delicious and nutritious meals! I hope that they turn out well.

Saturday

This morning I woke up at 8 and got to work cleaning the treehouse. Not quite as thorough as I'd hoped since I didn't have any dust-type cleaning product. But I dusted. I swept. I vacuumed. I moved my bed to make more room in the living area. I rearranged the rug about three different times. I'm 98% sure that it looks way more spacious now! I put away clutter. I hate clutter. I live in one room, clutter makes it seem even smaller.

Then I went to the Produce Place to pick up all of the produce on the list for the recipes I'm going to try. Stopped by Border's to pick up this month's book club selection, "Moneyball" by Michael Lewis. Then I went to Trader Joe's to get everything else on my list. I had to ask the guy at Trader Joe's what parsnips look like (I'd imagined small onions). They didn't have any. So I stopped by Harris Teeter to get the three things I was missing: parsnips, rutabaga, and ground mustard. At Harris Teeter someone helped me find rutabaga (was way off on what that one looked like as well). I spent a total of $134 on my groceries (which was $16 short of my budget! Yea!).

I stopped by a garage sale on my way home in search of a butter dish, but I didn't find one. I love putting away my groceries. It makes me feel like a successful grown up to have a full refrigerator and cupboards. Unfortunately I have a somewhat smaller than average fridge, so putting groceries up sometimes becomes a test of endurance.

But. After that. I made my first batch of banana muffins. They are currently cooling. They smell amazing. I was planning to go out to Smyrna this afternoon to see "Life As We Know It" (which I heard was pretty cute in a chick flick kind of way), but my date cancelled. Instead, I think I'm going to settle in with a banana muffin and disc 2 (season 1) of Nurse Jackie.

We might go to the dog park later. The evening is wide open! I love a lazy Saturday almost as much as I love a lazy Sunday.

Changes Good

So. How does one go about making positive changes in her life? Changes that she recognizes need to be made. Changes that she's been contemplating time and again. But bad habits are hard to break. And while I can very clearly see what changes I need to be making, I never seem to be able to stick with things. For me, it's money and health. I've already addressed my gradual weight gain in a previous post, so I don't want to gripe too much. The difference between the self of my now and the self of my youth is that I know what I'm doing wrong and I know what I need to do to fix it. Really my goal is not to focus solely on calorie counts and expenditures, but rather to make healthy changes in my life and then to see the results in the way my jeans fit.

So how do people resolve to make changes and then actually stick with them? If I did it once, I can do it again.

Ch-ch-changes:

1. Stop using my credit card and start paying it off. The balance just keeps going up. I have to be firm with myself and just say no. And learn to budget better.

2. Exercise more. And in different ways. There's no excuse for this one. It gets harder for me once it gets dark and cold, but I need to suck it up and do it. Especially when I know that it actually makes me feel good. The dog is not an excuse to not go to the Y!

3. Prepare and eat nutritious meals at home. I really want to start eating more whole foods and to expand my cooking abilities. I've been wanting to do this for a few months (since I read The Omnivore's Dilemma), but I basically haven't had enough money left over to try the new recipes that I've bookmarked.

I also need to drink less beer. But I might be condemning myself to failure if I try this during the holidays. So, we'll see about that one.

Anyway, there you have it. Probably the same three things that every girl aims to change every month or two. But maybe now that I've written it down it will make me hold myself accountable?

God Is Great

Beer is good. And people are crazy.

Common Sense

Maybe don't listen to Taylor Swift's new album on a day that you're already full up with longing and pathetic when you know that she channels your 15-year-old-whiny-baby-overly-romantic-heart.

Just an fyi.

Goo

I had this epiphany a year or two ago when I dropped a bit of weight that health and fitness are an uphill battle. You eat well, you get your work out in, and you feel great about it. Then you realize that you have to do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, forever and on into eternity. You never get to just sit back and hand it to yourself for the job well done and leave it be. Otherwise, all that effort will slowly dissolve back into your thighs.

Which brings me about to where I am right now. Somehow, my break-up caused me to gain weight rather than lose it. I blame it on all of the cheese and crackers I enjoyed during my first winter in the tree-house. And too much snacking at work and not enough exercise.

I've been trying to get back on track all summer (some of last year's jeans are too snug to wear!), but life always seems to get in the way. Hanging out with the girls or watching the game with the boys or working overtime instead of walking the dog. How does one balance her social agenda with her health goals and her budget? How can we ever be happy with our bodies without spending every iota focused on attaining what we want? And why am I so certain that being thinner will solve anything? I certainly wasn't happier last year, when I weighed five fewer pounds than I do now.

Ho hum. Nothing to do but plod along. Day after day. In search of balance. And fitting into last year's jeans.

There's A Whole Lot Of Annoying Going On

Here at work. In the office.

Muzzle & straight jacket, anyone?

Hallmark

So. Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. It has been a year. Probably the most difficult of my adult life. I have regrets and sadness and disappointment. But I have also made changes for the better. I have revelations and friends and strength and direction. I got a card from my grandma, and it seemed to hit just the right spot with me. I don't even care if it's cheesy. It's like a little mantra for the year, maybe. And unexpected bursts of love from one's family never hurt anybody.

"Life Legacies: Thoughts For My Granddaughter On Her Birthday"

Live Deep

Never stop learning, playing, or finding wonder in the world around you.

Live the length of your life, but live the depth of it as well.

Travel Light

There is no use in carrying around worry and regret.

They only weigh you down.

Always keep yourself open to hope and to love.

They give us wings.

Forgive Imperfections

in yourself and in others.

Imperfections keep things interesting.

They're the cracks where the light shines through.

Own Beautiful Things

And not just to keep in the drawer, tucked away for a perfect day.

Surround yourself with things that make you happy, that remind you of the beauty all around us

if we only keep our eyes open to it.

Make Mistakes

Follow detours. Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn to help us find the life that is waiting for us around the bend.

Trust yourself and the path that is meant for you.

Take Care Of Yourself

And sometimes that means you need the ice cream.

Be good to your body, but also to your mind and spirit.

You're the only one who can.

And Always, Always Know You Are Loved

You are a gift to this world and a blessing to me.

And that will never change.

The inscriptions says: This card says most of what I want to say but don't know how

Oh, Grandma. At this very moment I am paying back the karmic debt for all of the times I made fun of you for crying during movies, commercials and songs. I am certainly yours. Thank you.

The EPIC-ness Has Only Just Began

So. We managed to plan our DC trip for the same weekend as Glen Beck's Restoration rally. We didn't do that on purpose.
I arrived in DC on Thursday evening, and the girls were waiting for me at the terminal. We hopped on the Metro (so exciting and motion sick-y all at the same time), and three stops later we were at Rachel's place. Super-cute little brick townhouse painted yellow (a good yellow), with its own front yard. We trekked to Pat Troy's Irish Pub to enjoy some drinks on the patio.
Friday morning we ate blueberry muffins and then headed off to D.C. (Rachel lives in Alexandria) to visit the National Portrait Gallery and the Museum Of Natural History. The Portrait Gallery was super cool. There was an Americans NOW exhibit as well as a Norman Rockwell exhibit. The Rockwell exhibit was super cool, with photos from his life in addition to his famous cover art. We also checked out parts of the Museum Of Modern Art, which had a Presidents exhibit. There was a bad-ass gigantic mosaic of Bill Clinton's head. We also hit up the Butterfly Room, where, for $5, you could walk in the land of butterflies (which was totally awesome). We left the museums for lunch, and ate at the Austin Grill (lots of veggie options), and the food was delicious. From there we bought some souvenirs and then headed home. Rachel made us a delicious stuffed pasta dinner, and we drank wine and watched girly movies, with a break for The Dairy Godmother (where I ordered the homemade blueberry cobbler, topped with vanilla custard).
Saturday we woke up bright and early so that we could hop on the train to catch our 11 am "tour" of the Washington Monument. The tour consisted of shooting up in an elevator, viewing the city from tiny windows in all four sides of the monument, and then catching a couple of the featured blocks of rock on the way down. Rachel timed our tour with the rally, so walking in with the flow of American flag-bedecked tea-partiers (and then looking down upon them from The Monument) made for interesting people watching. We got pictures of lots of amusing shirts and variously decorated vehicles. (Because nothing restores one's honor like a shirt with the preamble to the Constitution written on it). After our tour, we went to the Old Ebbitt Grill. It was delicious. Hummus, crab artichoke dip, and house salads with gorgonzola. Our super-cute server (in suspenders!) sold us on Peach Cobbler for lunch. (Which beat the pants off the blueberry cobbler from the day before). Then we did a little shopping at H&M (my first time). I scored big time. I got a super cute polka-dot button-down dress, a western shirt (super good fit), a flowy gray tank, a ring, and a necklace. I also bought boots at Payless (because apparently I only shop at Payless when on vacation).
After wearing ourselves out with all of that shopping, we headed back to Rachel's to rest before our evening out. We then proceeded to get ready just the way we did in the old days. Music on, pre-drinks in hand, trying on various shoes and jewelry in the hallway of adjoining rooms, applying make-up and fixing hair. It was very nostalgic, and probably my favorite part of the trip. We were having so much fun that we missed our train and ended up staying in Rachel's part of town. Which worked out well because we were able to bar hop. We hit up a karaoke joint (not Rachel's favorite, but Michelle was ready for it) and ended up at Murphy's Irish Pub (with an Irish server, no less!). Michelle managed to find the one tea partier in there and have a political debate with him. We tried to carry our party on to the only dance party in the vicinity, but it had already closed by the time we'd finished all of our shots. Instead we walked home and had a dance party of our own, while we made various "don't be hungover tomorrow" snacks. The pictures are quite entertaining, but will not be presented here. Ha.
Sunday some of us woke up with hangovers (ahem, Michelle, you are a ridiculous freak of nature)...so the snacks maybe didn't work as well as we'd planned. We realized that our brunch/second pass of H&M plans were ridiculous, and we ended up eating McDonald's while we packed to go home. Amazingly, everything fit in my luggage. We Metro'd back to the airport, and hugged goodbye. I'll leave out the unpleasantness of my flight due to my slight hangover.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend spent with girls who make you remember who your friends are. Girls who help you remember who you are, when you find that you're a little lost, who you used to be, when you find that you've grown into someone different, and who you want to be, when you're with people who love you for all of those different people that're wrapped up inside of you.
Thank you, ladies, I love you.

Is This Real Life?

My brother will be 16 tomorrow. WTF, y'all?

My trip to DC was great, exactly what I needed. Details to follow soon.

EPIC

I'm going to DC this weekend (tomorrow through Sunday) to visit one of my college roommates. Michelle, my bff, also a college roommate, is coming too, so that we can have a good old nostalgic weekend full of girly shit.
Man, I'm so excited. I just can't wait to sit around with two old friends and just soak up their love & their company.
So far I'm aware of the following: a trip to the top of the Washington Monument, a Glenn Beck rally to crash, carb-loading before hitting the bars, and brunch on Sunday (and a museum or two).
Sounds like heaven, no?

You Know Those Days

The ones when you don't really like yourself? When you dwell on something you did or said that you regret? Something that's not even that big, but that just make you unhappy with yourself? When you feel like you need to cleanse yourself of yourself? Ugh. I'm having one of those.

Get Ready

I'm scheduled to be internet-ready on August 14. So all of you out there that are just holding your breath for my next installment, get ready, you're about to get blogged on a regular basis (maybe).

It Happened Again

I went the entire month of July without posting anything. My brother was here for the first three weeks of the month, and I still don't have internet at home, and work is just too damn busy to spend time posting blogs. So there you have it. Just a quick run-down of life this summer:
My visit with my brother was great. I was sad to see him leave, but I am enjoying the return of naked mornings in my studio apartment.
I am broke (thanks, bro), and trying to cram in the overtime now that I don't have a fifteen year-old to entertain in the evenings, and I'm trying to fund a trip to DC at the end of August.
I'm growing two tomato plants and I ate my first cherry tomato yesterday. It was delicious. However, someone (or something) has stolen two of the big Brandywine tomatoes off of the plant while they were still green. I hope that the other two last to maturity. I've been watching them grow with bated breath.
It is as hot here (and has been for weeks) as I can ever remember it. I must admit that it makes me consider the temperature in Hell and secretly regret my heathen ways.
I am trying to get back on the health track. My work-outs are fine (though I could stand to change it up a bit), but my food intake has been very indulgent; and I'm blaming it on the heat (and working out in the morning leaves me with more time in the evenings) that a beer sounds amazing every single evening when I leave work. The weekday drinking has become a too-often habit.
So, here's to August! Even with the heat, I don't want summer to be on its way out already. I feel like we've only just started getting to know each other.

The Once And Future King

Kay: "He was one of those people who would be neither a follower or a leader, but only an aspiring heart, impatient in the failing body which imprisoned it."

The Lothian Princes: "Indeed, they did love her. Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically - to those who hardly think about us in return."

Lancelot: "...there was shame and self-loathing which had been planted there when he was tiny...It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible."

King Arthur: "He had never been unjustly treated, for one thing, so he was kind to other people."

Truant

I haven't been absent on purpose. I have things to write about! I have things to share!
However, the guy who was so kindly sharing his internet service with me, "Hillbilly Hollywood," has up and disappeared, and my laptop doesn't want to let me log on to any of the other unsecured networks available to me. Therefore, I've had no internet at home for the past three weeks. And work has been busy as hell, so there just hasn't been time.
Update on the old guy: I didn't go to the symphony. I chickened out. The Blonde Mule's advice about how to handle the situation would've been very helpful if I'd seen it one day sooner. I might've gone if I'd seen it that day, but I didn't. So, I didn't go to the symphony with my old friend.
I drove to Michigan last weekend to pick up my brother. He's visiting for a few weeks. The visit with my family went well, although I didn't see much of my grandparents or my mom. On Friday night we played hide and go seek with flashlights in the dark (my brother and some cousins). It was fun. And beautiful. And calming. The hiding part, at least. You know those moments when you take a second to stop and look around and really soak it all in? That moment where you feel at peace? When your brain stops whirring and you can just appreciate that particular feeling? Someone told me once that that feeling is God, speaking to you, but that you might not recognize it for that. I don't know, but there was one really distinct one of those, which I think I'll probably remember forever. Or at least a long time.
I met my new cousin. He's adorable. I have lots of thoughts on that. I have lots of thoughts about everything recently. Or all the time. But, you know what I mean. This visit home and this time with my brother has me ruminating on things. How quickly time passes by. How babies grow up. How your cousins turn into adults and how blood ties you to people that you manage to know little about, or people whose lives you only get to see in small slivers of time.
My brother is growing up. And I see how far away from each other we are. I wonder if this month will help us grow closer? We're trying to get him a job while he's here, but fifteen is turning out to be a tricky number when it comes to employment.
We shall see, I suppose. More later.
PS: Listened to "The Prince Of Frogtown" by Rick Bragg on the drive. Probably why I'm contemplating family so much right now. I suggest you check him out if you've never read him. If you live in The South. If you like good writing. If you have parents. You will enjoy his work.

Some Things

1. A man three times my age asked me to go to the symphony with him while also ensuring me that he is not a dirty old man. I've never been to the symphony. I kind of want to go. But I can't decide. I can't decide whether it's an opportunity to hang out with an interesting person and have a very unique life experience. Or if I would simply find myself out on a date with an 80-year-old Frenchman wondering how I get myself into such odd situations.

2. Work is picking up. I am starting to really get the hang of my new job. And to like it.

3. My brother is coming to visit me next month. He is 15. He's going to be staying a little over a month. Anybody have family friendly, low-cost ideas for stuff we could do? So far I've got movies in the park, roller derby, a three-day trip to visit more family in Alabama on the roster. Maybe some bowling? Skating? 'Cept those aren't that cheap. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with him while I'm at work all day. I was hoping to find him some sort of summer employment to keep him busy while I'm bringing in the bacon, but I haven't had much luck with the small amount of effort I've put into that one. Me and the bro in the treehouse! Should be interesting!

This is what I wish Coffee tasted like

Life Is Too Short To Live It In Limbo

Sage advice from an old soul.

But it's always so much easier in theory than it is in practice.

Or maybe it's just easier to make excuses than to figure out what we really want for ourselves.

BFFE

It's amazing the effects that that much-needed, long distance, hour-or-three-long chat with your best friend can have. Like plunging an epi-pen into your heart after having an allergic reaction to life. I love you.

Flood

We had one. Pretty epic. It's way worse than even I realized that it was. I took a whore-bath today in my efforts to conserve water. They are surprisingly refreshing!

I wish I had lots of facts for all of you non-Nashvillians to inform you about our recent hardships, but I don't. I do know that the damage wasn't spread evenly. Some parts of town look completely normal and other parts are still underwater.

Thankfully my home is fine and everyone that I know is safe, but that's not the case for many. This guy sums it up nicely:

http://www.section303.com/we-are-nashville-4366

Almost all of the bloggers in my blog roll have addressed the issue much more eloquently than I have here. I urge you to check out And Another Thing and The Blonde Mule in particular.

My office organized volunteer activities for tomorrow afternoon, so I think that that's when it's really going to hit home. I'm glad to be able to do something.

Water Stations Past, Present And Future

So I realized that I tell y'all about stuff, but that I'm very bad at following up with on-going sorts of things.

Yesterday was the Country Music Marathon & 1/2 Marathon. I had eighteen volunteers made up of my co-workers and their friends and family. We got to our site at 5 in the morning. With the help of another group, we set up tables, filled barrels full of water, lined the tables with cups and filled those with water for the runners. We watched the 1/2 Marathoners run by for a while before we started to get our own runners. We handed out water and cheered on runners. We worked in the rain. We picked up trash.

By 10 a.m. it felt like about 2 p.m. They ended up closing the race early because of the weather, but all of my volunteers were very good sports. We were out there until about 11, and we dropped the supply truck off at homebase at about 12:30.

All in all, it went very well, and I think there was only a short period of time when people were standing around without anything to do. It's funny how different an event is when you're "in charge of it" as opposed to just participating.

I still got that surge of inspiration from watching all of those people go by, from the lone wheelchair racer to the last three people who were limping past us but didn't want to give up, even though they wouldn't complete the full 26.2 miles. It was an amazing experience, and I thank all of my volunteers who came out and helped us to be a part of it.

"Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue."

At least that is what Viktor Frankl says in his book Man's Search For Meaning. We can only experience happiness by ceasing to try to achieve it. Happiness comes upon one once she stops living life for her own selfish satisfaction and devotes it to others or some life work or cause.

It's an interesting concept. I don't know if I agree wholeheartedly with the sacrifice part. But I do think that happiness eludes those who chase it.

I believe that happiness comes in moments. Happiness is not a state of mind; or something that can be captured. You can't will it. Can't pursue it. Can only wait for it to come. Instead it's a few minutes of reflection, of stepping outside ofyourself, and looking around and realizing that you enjoy the company of those surrounding you. Or that there is nothing you would change about a particular moment in time. Sometimes I think we don't even realize happiness until the moment is past. Looking back on a memory and realizing that we were utterly content for those minutes or hours. Utterly satisfied.

Happiness is fleeting. I'm trying to learn to recognize and value the moments as they come. Those memories of happiness are what make the rest of life worth what it costs us.

The Game

Only relevant because I've read the Neil Strauss pick up artist novel. And apparently absorbed much more than I thought possible.

But what's the point without a worthy adversary?

Try this. You won't regret it. But you will regret it if you don't.

A Word On Words (or Look What The EmoMul Got Me)

So. I like words. I don't know if I ever spend much time pontificating about it here, but I do. I love the English language. I love words. I love what people do with them and what they don't do with them and how changing one suffix or prefix or word in one sentence can change the entire meaning.
That being said, I get pretty excited about rap music and what rappers do to words.
I got very excited about Timbaland's use of the word "fi-hot" in the new song, "Carry Out." I imagined it as the combo of "fine" and "hot". (Because the first thing I do when I hear a new word is picture the spelling in my head). I was about to use this new word in an email, but then I had to do a lyric search to make sure that I was getting it right. Because if there's anything I hate, it's getting words wrong.
So I started looking up lyrics, and it turns out that it's not "fi-hot" as in "fine" and "hot". It's actually "fire hot," but the way Timbo pronounces it you lose the "r". Of course I was disappointed to have interpreted the word wrong and couldn't put it in my email after discovering so. When I told the EmoMul this story, she was all, "Why don't you just make up your own word? Blah blah blah. Urban Dictionary. Do do do."
But for some reason I can't. I like words, I like other people's creativity with them, and every so often I am creative with language myself, but I can't take credit for creativity that was really just a misinterpretation...
All that back-story just so you'd know what this was about:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fi'hot

This Is A Story And You're Not In It, Uh Huh

Ok. It's not a story. That's just a line from a song by Frightened Rabbit that gets stuck in my head all of the time.

I'm running a water station for the Country Music Marathon. I'm about to make a list of all of the tasks that this will require. I like this, because it keeps my brain busy. I like having something constructive taking up my headspace. It's so rare.

I'm reading The Catcher In The Rye for this month's book club. Jesus, Holden Caulfield is wordy. Some of it I can still relate to even at this age, some of it I'm like, "When are you going to shut up, Holden?" I remember reading it in high school and not getting what the big deal was. I hope to get more out of it this time.

Tony's niece and nephew are coming to work with me on Thursday for Kids' Day. I'm also volunteering as a group leader, so I'll be spending the day with a bunch of 8 year olds. Volunteering all over the place for me. Should be fun.

The winter has left me chubbier instead of in better shape. This does not bode well. Life seems to always get in the way of health. I don't know how I did it two years ago, but I need to get back to the magical dedication and will power I had going on then.

My dog has a mohawk. It's starting to grow on me. He pulls it off pretty well, but it still takes me a second to figure out why people are staring at us on our walks.

Vampire Weekend

"It's kind of surface-y. It's great to listen to in your car. After a few beers."
-Meghasus (on the music of the above mentioned artist)

Country Music Marathon

In my effort to do, and be involved, and and and and, I decided to organize volunteers from my office for a water station at the Country Music Marathon & 1/2 Marathon this year. I have volunteered twice before, and both times it was a very amazing, inspirational experience.

Through several annoying mass emails, I have rallied enough troops (10) from my workplace to man a water station. I'm a little disappointed that we're going to be in the back half and won't see as many runners as I have previously (at Mile 4); nevertheless, I am looking forward to it, and I think that it's still going to be really cool to see this totally different part of the race.

I just went to the first meeting today after work, and you are looking at the blog of a Water Station Captain. That is right. Looks like the Yacht Rock Captain shirt that I bought two weeks ago was but a portent of titles to come. A lot more work goes into everything than anyone ever realizes. I got a little nervous at the beginning of the presentation, then got pumped up, then got a little disappointed as I realized that my group wasn't big enough to work on its own, and that we'd be grouped with other small groups, but I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I go meet up with my "Sector Coordinator" tomorrow to check out our site, Water Station 14 (between miles 19 and 20) of the course, and to meet the captains from the other two groups. Coordinating the tasks between three different captains should be interesting, but I'm excited to see where we're going to be and who we'll be teamed up with. Also, the more I think about it the more comfortable I feel about having more people than I'd anticipated at the station.

I still need more volunteers, so if you're interested, hit me up! And if not, you'll be hearing about it at least!

I Am In A Shitty Mood

Last week the weather made life better. Today it made it hard to come to work. My weekend was...I don't know. It wasn't bad at all, but I still have this overall crappy feeling about it. Is it pms making me so negative? Stepping into my office today I heard myself let out an audible sigh of dismay. I just didn't want to be here today. And I'm noticing in every picture and mirror that I've gained back all of the weight that I lost. The harder I try to eat well, the more difficult it becomes to do so. Why can I not resist temptation? Why do health and social activities never seem to coincide with each other?
Gah. I hate feeling like this, and I hate thinking this way.
Maybe walking my dog will help readjust my attitude? And make me feel better about my puffy face? Let's hope.

LoveFest

So when I got back on Monday, I took my dog for a stroll around my neighborhood. But first I went to the Produce Place and picked up my bi-weekly brown bag of goods. I love the Produce Place. I love buying groceries. I love putting my groceries away and seeing my full refrigerator and my full cupboards. It makes me feel like a grown up. As if I've accomplished a major feat by being able to feed myself (I guess I sort of have, but, you know). It makes me feel secure to see all of that food in there, especially the healthy stuff. Veggies for colorful salads and organic milk and quinoa. And I love my neighborhood. I love the houses. I love meandering through the state streets with my dog and never getting tired of picking out which house is my favorite. Which houses I'd want to live in. Which one is better than the other and for what reason. I love those first warm days when everyone is out. And I can get a glimpse of the people whose houses I've been envying for months. On days like this one, I love being alive. Can smell life in the air. The sadness and negativity and bullshit fall off, and what's left is the person that I wish I were all the time.

Fleeting, perhaps, but at least she's in there somewhere, right? Just waiting for a little sunshine...

So This Is What Happened...

I drove to Atlanta Thursday, drove to Destin Friday, went to the beach in the morning, went to another beach in the evening (for a wedding, I should add), arrived just after the ceremony happened, went to dinner for the reception, walked along the Fisherman's Wharf, drove back to Atlanta Sunday, and drove back home today.

Turns out I drove 1,151.64 miles for a pizza dinner and a sunburn.

Oy Vey

The smell of fried oil in my office is starting to make me queasy.

I can't decide if my aversion to everyone's disgusting habits is a product of my being overly attuned to what's going on around me or if my superhuman powers of scent and hearing aren't my fault.

Go Green!

Pretty sure this isn't the first time I've used that title, but it's March 21, and it's that time of year again. The Spartans are going to the Sweet 16. Thank god for the internet when you live in the South and your team hails from the Big 10. My borrowed internet connection came through like a champ and I got to watch the second half of the game and the so very enthralling last-second game-winning shot. It was truly beautiful.

Also this weekend we had our book club for "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant. I pretty much forced this book for March (since I'd read it once before and really loved it). I was a little disappointed that two of our regulars didn't attend, because I was really interested in what they would think about it. It's a retelling of the Dinah story from The Bible. It's told from Dinah's perspective, as Dinah is Jacob's daughter who gets raped in Shechem, and then Jacob's sons slaughter all of the males in the city as revenge. But in the bible Dinah appears in one tiny passage and she has no voice in the story at all. The book is a work of fiction that imagines different motives and events, but spends a lot of time just describing daily life. There's a strong focus on women and I think it's pretty historically accurate in describing every day life and customs for these biblical women. Even the men in book club seemed to enjoy it. So check it out if you enjoy historical fiction. It may even inspire you to get familiar with more bible stories if, like me, you didn't attend Sunday school as a child.

A good friend from high school is getting married next weekend, so I'm looking forward to road tripping to the beach and making a little getaway in celebration of the beginning of Spring. It should be a lot of fun, and hopefully not too expensive. It will be nice to get a little break from routine. I'm rooting for one day of good weather on Saturday so that we can at least get some sun in the a.m. and make for a lovely sunset wedding.

Happy Sunday. Have a good week.

Your Hyacinth Is Starting To Smell

What I just said to myself, silently cracking myself up. You know, 'cause it sounds bad, but actually it's good.

I got a Spring Britebulb from Trader Joe's the other day (Sunday) for $2.99. I bought one that hadn't started blooming yet so that I could enjoy it in its entirety. It started blooming this morning. It came in a nice little ceramic pot, and once it withers I'm supposed to plant the bulb outside so that it will grow again next year.

Fabulous.

I also want to plant cucumbers, tomatoes and strawberries this year, but I haven't really been on top of getting that started, and if I recall, I should be starting the seeds, like, right now if I want to do them from baby hatchlings, which I do.

Lines Lines Lines

"Heart skipped a beat...

and when I caught it you were out of reach."

~ "Heart Skipped A Beat" The xx

"Oh tell me now, where was my fault,

in loving you with my whole heart."

~ "White Blank Page" Mumford & Sons

"Ill with want and poisoned by this ugly greed."

~ "Ill With Want" The Avett Brothers

"My, my, my heart like a kickdrum,

my, my heart like a kickdrum,

my, my heart like a kickdrum,

My, my love like a voice."

"It's not the chase that I love,

it's me followin' you."

~ "Kick Drum Heart" The Avett Brothers

"I hope we dance tonight,

before we get it wrong."

"Like whispering you know me, you know me."

~ "Three Rounds And A Sound" Blind Pilot

Some of my new favorite lyrics.

Green Hills

So I hate going to the mall. That being said, I decided yesterday that I would make the trek out to the land of compact parking spaces and S.U.V.'s in order to see if Bare Minerals make-up was all that the informercials cracked it up to be, and to use my free panty coupon at Victoria's Secret.

I wasn't super impressed with the make-up at first, but I liked it more the longer I wore it. And yet somehow, with that original goal in mind, the cashier at the Victoria's Secret store managed to sell me on Armani Face Fabric and #10 Sheer Blush with her amazing face get-up.

Now I just need someone to give me $300 spending money. Ha.

Mumford's The Word

Thingies:

I got my hair cut again. It basically looks like the cut I got three-ish years ago. It's not quite shoulder-length. I'm pleased with it. Somehow having less hair looks like more hair when you have my hair.

I've been trying to work out and count calories and not be a piglet. My weight on the scales is pretty stagnant, and my thighs are still rebelling in my jeans. I guess two weeks is a little soon to be expecting results. I've just realized that I love food. I think about food. All of the time. I think the world falls into two categories of people, and I fall into the one that thinks about food all of the time. I can't help it. I enjoy it.

I am going to a birthday celebration this evening which involves Indian food and rollerskating. I hope I'm not making a wardrobe mistake by choosing leggings to skate in. They seemed like the most comfortable option.

A work homey sent me Mumford & Songs - Sigh No More yesterday. I recommend. I started on track 7 and then looped back to the beginning. I'm finding the sound to be very pleasing right now.

My new job is...I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess I'm still getting adjusted. I keep having dreams about it. Not the office itself, or the people, but the actual work. That happens to me when I start at a new position, and it usually indicates a degree of stress. I'm a work in progress, I guess.

Today

Wake up to sunshine streaming through all five giant, campsite windows. Peek at my Tree Of Life. Lay in bed longer than I should while considering playing hooky on such a nice day. Make a delicious breakfast of (warmed) frozen berries, plain yogurt, and imitation honey bunches of oats. Read some Genesis. Shower but don't wash my hair. Get to work on time but not early like I'd hoped. Correspond with record labels and licensing. Set up label copy. Sneak out for a walk in the sun. Eat a delicious salad. Take another walk in the sun. Try not to be a piglet but fail. Make jokes with the EmoMullet instead of looking at the LTD. Start a project but leave at quittin' time instead of staying late like I should. Go to the Y. Sweat. Run 1.50 miles but not continously. Figure out that W&M and ODU stand for William & Mary and Old Dominion and secretly pat myself on the back for being so awesome at college basketball. Wonder to myself why I just can't get into women's basketball? Stare longingly at the game of full court basketball which is impeding my ability to shoot some hoops in the gymnasium. Drive home. Shower. Heat up frozen vegetables for dinner. Count my calories. Eat two extra Dove Bliss Caramel Filled chocolates for dessert 'cause the piglet managed to maintain her calorie count against all odds. Smush the biggest brown recluse I've ever seen. Watch his legs twitch and wonder if he's dead and it's just his nervous system or if the twitching amounts to his last pangs of death. Go pick up Nessa to take old books and bad cd's to McKay. Discuss The Wire. Peruse the aisles for Jay-Z's Black Album or The Blueprint. Sigh that people don't get rid of good cd's. Wander through aisles smelling the delicous smell of books. Get $33 for twenty years' worth of discarded books and cd's. Stop at CVS to spend windfall on unnecessary beauty products. Laugh with Nessa at the various and sundry items available for purchase at CVS (imitation George Foremans, dog Snuggies, Bumpits, small appliances). Make jokes with the cashier while purchasing $8 shampoo and conditioner and don't really feel guilty about it. Discuss Brangelina's absence from the Academy Awards last night. Drop off Nessa. Drive home. Get mail - nothing good. Sit in front of my laptop and long to write but can't capture my thoughts, and so instead type out in strange narrative form the events of my day. Eat too many caramel candies and ruin my daily calorie goal. Leave the windows open at bedtime to smell the rain coming in. Fall asleep after reading about Isaac and Rebekah.

CA

I've been thinking about The West. I think I'd like to go there.

60 Degrees and Sunny

The Red Tent in Dragon Park. I think I got a sunburn today.

State of the Blog - Ish

I got a laptop last weekend. I've been claiming for the past few months that possession of a laptop would enable me to write more. Encourage me to write more. But I've been sitting here for a half an hour trying to get inspired, and nothing is coming.

There's lots of stuff that I want to write about. What's going on in my life. Mostly my feelings and emotions, but I never know where the line is with such a public forum. If I were anonymous it might be different. But it's tricky deciding how honest to be when I know about six of you who do most of the perusing of this page. And you range from co-worker friends to family to other bloggers.

I have been pretty depressed for a while, but I never know how much of that to share. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm still trying to determine the threshold of what's appropriate while remaining honest. I want to write, but for the past year my life hasn't been bubbly and full of domestic happiness the way that it was before. The past year has been full of looking at myself and into myself and seeing what I don't like and not wanting to reveal all of that to anyone, really. I realized that most of my previous posts were pretty superficial because I didn't want to get too personal and when I get low I get quiet. 'Cause who wants to read about someone who's fucking unhappy all the time, especially if she can't write about it eloquently and articulately?

The point. I guess. Is this: I want to write more. I want to write better. I want to write real. I want. I want. I want. Story of my life. When do I start doing instead of just wanting?

Blizzards

I had something really great to say about my trip to MI, but I lost it. Something succinct and perfect and honest. But it vanished. So here's the rundown:
I got caught in a blizzard on my way up, which surprisingly hasn't happened to me before. I stayed in a hotel by myself in Indiana. I finished the drive the following morning and made it in time to buy baby shower gifts and head over to help with preparations. I ate too much food and helped play baby games and open presents. I spent the day with the women in my family and my brother. Later I had drinks with my aunt and her friends. Then I met my mom and brother for karaoke. I sang karaoke in Eaton Rapids. I did the Cupid Shuffle. My brother and I danced to "Stayin' Alive." He does a mean fuckin' Worm. Like three feet off the floor. Impressive. When I got home from the "bar" my grandpa made me a drunken omelet. The next morning, I drove home.
A lot of driving. Tense driving. But definitely worth it.
And. Had I stayed three extra days, I could've met my first cousin once removed. He came three weeks early. Zachery Robert. I'm still awaiting pictures. Mom and baby are doing well.

Tomorrow I Will Be In A Mitten

Or "The" Mitten, if you prefer. My cousin is having a baby. I'm going up for the baby shower. It is supposed to rain-turn-into-snow all day on my trek north. I am, however, really looking forward to seeing my family. I am excited to be sharing this first baby shower of my generation with all of the women (and maybe some men) in my family. It's a milestone. It's a little bittersweet. I'm not looking forward to the drive. But I can't wait to see them. All of them.

EXTRA EXTRA

Read all about it:

I'm going to be an extra in a movie that's filming here in Nashville. I have no idea what this really entails or what I'll be doing. But it falls under the category of "new things to do," which was a pre-req for this year's activities.

I am excited but also filled with this startling, freaky piece of self-awareness: I will have to lose ten pounds in the next five weeks in order to look on-screen the way that I look right now! Ha ha. Leave it to me to freak out about such things. It'll probably be that my elbow is the only thing that makes it into the frame.

In other news... I got a haircut, I had a girls' movie night that turned into a girls' domino night. I watched District 9, which did not disappoint.

And. I love my dog. I've started leaving him out of his kennel when I'm gone. So far (two weeks' far), he has done beautifully. It is so much better knowing that he can stretch out on the couch during the day (or evening) if he so chooses than of thinking of him anxiously shivering in his cage, desperately awaiting my return and his freedom.

Now that's what I call: Progerse*.

*I'm currently reading the Sirens Of Titan. That Vonnegut, he really knows how to string some words together. Just the right words, I'd say.

So...

I'd write more if I had a laptop. What with the straddling the two jobs it's been difficult to find spare time (at work - where my only internet access comes from) to write. I'm putting laptop (or netbook, as I've been informed I should invest in that direction) on the top of the list for my tax return. It's about time I had a computer and internet access at home and raised my techonological age to about ten (almost pubescent!). I really love that word, "pubescent."
So, yes. I'm transitioning into the new position nicely. Finally started actually doing stuff pertaining to the new job, instead of interim/sort-of-but-not-really work. And I'm glad for that.
My holidays were good. Some parts of it even great, I'd say. I spent a lot of time with people that I love, that love me, that have a positive influence in my life.
I have goals for this year that pretty much involve that - doing new things, meeting new people, cultivating new relationships, making time for those who are already important to me, and no longer sweating those who aren't. It sounds easy. We'll see, I suppose.
Anyway. Today was a good day. Today I felt better than I have in a while. A little bit of sunshine. A ray of hope through the 10 degree clouds we've been having. I don't know where this optimism has come from (maybe the pounds I've gained over the aforementioned holidays?), but I'm grateful for it (the optimism, anyway).

2009 Blew

Big time.

I am ready for a different sort of year altogether.

I can only hope that my life a year from now will be as drastically different as today's life is from a year ago. And in a good way, rather than a shit way.