This Is A Story And You're Not In It, Uh Huh

Ok. It's not a story. That's just a line from a song by Frightened Rabbit that gets stuck in my head all of the time.

I'm running a water station for the Country Music Marathon. I'm about to make a list of all of the tasks that this will require. I like this, because it keeps my brain busy. I like having something constructive taking up my headspace. It's so rare.

I'm reading The Catcher In The Rye for this month's book club. Jesus, Holden Caulfield is wordy. Some of it I can still relate to even at this age, some of it I'm like, "When are you going to shut up, Holden?" I remember reading it in high school and not getting what the big deal was. I hope to get more out of it this time.

Tony's niece and nephew are coming to work with me on Thursday for Kids' Day. I'm also volunteering as a group leader, so I'll be spending the day with a bunch of 8 year olds. Volunteering all over the place for me. Should be fun.

The winter has left me chubbier instead of in better shape. This does not bode well. Life seems to always get in the way of health. I don't know how I did it two years ago, but I need to get back to the magical dedication and will power I had going on then.

My dog has a mohawk. It's starting to grow on me. He pulls it off pretty well, but it still takes me a second to figure out why people are staring at us on our walks.

EXTRA EXTRA

Read all about it:

I'm going to be an extra in a movie that's filming here in Nashville. I have no idea what this really entails or what I'll be doing. But it falls under the category of "new things to do," which was a pre-req for this year's activities.

I am excited but also filled with this startling, freaky piece of self-awareness: I will have to lose ten pounds in the next five weeks in order to look on-screen the way that I look right now! Ha ha. Leave it to me to freak out about such things. It'll probably be that my elbow is the only thing that makes it into the frame.

In other news... I got a haircut, I had a girls' movie night that turned into a girls' domino night. I watched District 9, which did not disappoint.

And. I love my dog. I've started leaving him out of his kennel when I'm gone. So far (two weeks' far), he has done beautifully. It is so much better knowing that he can stretch out on the couch during the day (or evening) if he so chooses than of thinking of him anxiously shivering in his cage, desperately awaiting my return and his freedom.

Now that's what I call: Progerse*.

*I'm currently reading the Sirens Of Titan. That Vonnegut, he really knows how to string some words together. Just the right words, I'd say.

Most Grateful

You've never met a guy who is more grateful about a gift. New toys, new treats. It's like Christmas. It's like giving someone a present at Christmas that they fawn over and appreciate like it's the best gift they've ever received. He's like that every time!
He stole a Care Bear Cousins stuffed animal right out from under my nose the other day, but he was carrying it around so gently, and holding it, and loving on it, and sleeping with it between his paws, that I honestly couldn't take it away.
He gets the award for Most Grateful. It's funny how much this furry little weirdo means to me. How much he makes my days better. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in my single apartment. Makes me feel safe at night, even though he is not ferocious. Is excited to see me every time I come in the door, even if I've only been gone for 30 seconds. I am most grateful to have him. Couldn't ask for a better guy.

Ten Things

I'm stealing this from my friends. Call me a plagiarist, I don't really care.
1. The Spartans made it to the Championship game but didn't win. I still won my office pool though.
2. I am helping with baby shower preparations for next weekend. I'm actually somewhat excited now that I've Googled some activities to contribute.
3. My boyfriend is going to Vegas for almost a week. I don't mind. I think the alone time will be therapeutic, barring the roaches which will no doubt appear on a daily basis once he leaves.
4. I cannot wait for the steamy summer weather. It's around the bend, I can smell it.
5. My dog's face smells like @ss. It's his anal glands. It's disgusting.
6. I am reading This Side Of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my book club, even though I won't be attending it (due to the baby shower). This statement probably makes me a plebeian, but I don't get it. I didn't get The Great Gatsby either. I wonder if that would change now if I read it as an adult, but given my current project, I'd guess no.
7. We finished The Wire. Season 5 didn't live up the precedent set by the first four seasons, but all in all, it's still one of the best shows I've ever watched.
8. I want to go to Africa - Namibia. Botswana. South Africa. Ghana - I'm not picky. I just need to figure out how.
9. I'm starting to sort of like running. I still only do it in 3-6 minute intervals, but that's a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I'd do.
10. I need to buy a new bathing suit this season. Blegh. I don't want to.

Return

So Michigan was good. I think I'd have enjoyed myself a little more if there weren't other people visiting for the pig roast, and if we'd had more time to chill out with the family (as opposed to preparing for the party day and entertaining guests). My dog had an awesome time galloping through the fields. I got to see my brother, who is finally as tall as me. And my mom was actually around this time. Tony and I re-lived our golden love days for a few hours in East Lansing. My dad gave me some strawberries from his garden. They were amazing. They're going on my list for next year's garden. I hope that we'll be in a house by then so that we can have a real garden. And a compost heap.
I'm kind of on comedown. I don't really know how to describe it, so I won't try.
I gave blood today, so I ate a shit-ton of food and don't have to feel guilty about not working out. Yum, oatmeal creme pies.
My cucumbers have their first flowers. Now I need some bees to get to pollinatin' so that I can get some cukes. I was pretty excited to see that they had gotten huge while we were gone. I came home to tendrils for grasping the trellis and yellow flowers and leaves bigger than my hand. I guess Mother Nature doesn't need me to water my plants after all.

Cross-Posting

I'll be honest and admit that I had to look that word up a few weeks ago. But anyway, here's the story of the snake in the apartment. It was too good not to share:

Yes, so to add to the excitement of "what large insect will appear in our apartment today," on Sunday there was a snake slithering around our room. And not, like, a smallish, foot-long skinny snake. This thing was black and at least an inch in diameter and about 2-3 feet long. I am not exaggerating. It was a damn big snake to be galloping around my bedroom. I mean, we don't live in the rain forest, now do we?
Ashlyn and Charlie had spent the night with us on Saturday (on the floor, I might add). We were getting ready to take them back home, and getting stuff together, when Tony comes hauling ass out of the bedroom hollering, "Oh My God!" scoops up Boom and ushers me, Ashlyn and Charlie out the door, without telling us what is even in the bedroom. I have to tell Tony to stop so that we can put the leash on Boom before he chucks the dog out the door. Finally, he's like, "There's a snake in the bedroom." WTF?
So we all stand outside and panic a little. Charlie starts squalling about a snake biting him. We calm down, and I ask Tony if he can go back in and get my pants (this story would be infinitely funnier if I'd been in my underwear, but sadly, it was some skimpy shorts). And Tony's like, "No. Uh uh."
I wasn't quite so graceful at this point. I mean, what good is a boyfriend with giant muscles if he refuses to save your pants when you need them the most? So I go back into the bedroom, and, once I spot the said slytherin, I change my pants and watch it move around the room, wondering what the hell to do, since the office isn't open yet and we don't know what kind it is or whether it's poisonous or how it got in. I call the emergency maintenance line and leave a message. I keep Boom on his leash so he doesn't leap to my rescue by attacking the snake and making a big mess. Tony takes the kids back to their mom's, but not before Ashlyn comes into the bedroom with me (after repeated requests to see the snake), and she says, "Um, Nichole...I'm the only one who hasn't seen the snake, even Charlie saw it..."
The maintenance guy came in like 20 minutes and scooped it up with a lightbulb reacher. Goodbye, snake. Please don't come back. Or any of your brethren.
Crazy big snakes, crazy big roaches, at least no brown recluses at this point. The funny thing is, the snake bothered me way less than the roaches. I don't know why. I guess 'cause Tony saw it first, so he got the whole shock factor, which I avoided, and I figure it's a once in a lifetime sort of thing.
These are the days of our lives.

Hairdiggery = Tomfoolery

I had to take my Boomy to the groomer this morning to get his hair did. He hates it. I think he has learned that a car ride in the morning is nothing to get excited about. As soon as we exit the car, we are greeted by the noise of a million dogs barking. I don't take him to PetSmart anymore, because they didn't do a very good job and they were kind of bitchy on more than one occasion. The good thing about them was that they seemed to like my dog.
Now I take him to the Hermitage Pet Inn. They are attached to a vet and also board animals, which I guess is why there seem to be an insane number of animals squalling when we walk in the door. They seem to do a pretty nice job, but he hates it so much that it makes me wonder if they torture him. He gets all shaky the minute we walk in and spends his time trying to slink out the door. But since he's all shaggy his feet just slide on the tile and I hold him there, running in place. And feel evil. Like a mother abandoning her child. I start to feel really guilty and get distracted when trying to explain how I want his hair, which no one has managed to do yet.
As they lead him away, I want to holler after him, "Please be careful with him. He hasn't pooped yet today!" But then I worry they'll think I'm some sort of d.i.n.k.w.a.d.* obsessed with my dog's bowel movements and that they'll clip his nails extra short to punish me.
So now I sit here during my lunch hour, wishing I could call and check on him. I can just imagine his anxious ass, sitting there all quivery, thinking that I have forsaken him.
The funny thing is that I never like his haircuts. I don't get him cut as often as I probably should, but he has to be maintained or his hair turns into a rastafarian's. It isn't pretty, and it hurts him, and then they have to use a surgical blade to get the mats out (learned my lesson there). But anyway, maybe this time they'll do what I want. Still puffy, just trimmed up and even. With clean ears, a clean butt, and shorter nails.
I think I'll give him some wet food in reward for his torture.

*That's Dual Income No Kids With a Dog for you, mister. And no, I don't care if acronyms are not cool.

Funky Tiddly-bits

I'm in a weird funk. I don't want to drink. I don't want to share. I want to stay at home and be domestic.
A Value Vet is opening in Hermitage. I'm excited about that. My dog smells like a$$. I'm not excited about that. It takes a while to pump up my enthusiasm for washing him. My boyfriend has pretty much never done it. When we got our dog, he smelled like chocolate. I have yet to find that delicious shampoo.
I'm pissed off about never having any money. I'm not poor, 'cause I survive, but one more car emergency could finish me. I don't shop for fun. I have a credit card debt that won't go away. When I budget my money for the week, there's barely any left for groceries. Getting paid on Friday and having $0 by Monday is not a common occurrence, it's the common occurrence. Where can I get more money? I need to get some more. Life is expensive. It takes money.
Argh. I'm a pirate. A slightly frustrated and pissed off one.

Ruminations

The Holidays
Were good, but weird. Not entirely traditional. I am very happy to be home, I must say. Boom supremely enjoyed his vacation, I think. An entire week of kennel-free life, along with sprinting the entire expanse of my grandparents' three-ish acres, five dogs for the humping, and the opportunity to roll in something dead. I felt like the wicked witch this morning when I had to lock him up in his crate for his first nine-hour stint in a week and a half.
Benson's Market
It's this little mom & pop grocery down the road from us. The only place that I've ever been that offers cat food, potted meat, dishwashing liquid and diced tomatoes all in one aisle, with a view of the raw meat at the end. I always expect this great, hometown service when I go there, and I never get it. Never a warm smile, no small talk. Perhaps it's got something to do with my always running in there when they are about to close. Or maybe I'm hoping for too much. I sort of feel like it's a civic duty to go there and buy something, to help keep the little man in business. Maybe they don't appreciate the favor? Maybe I'll just go to WalMart then! So there.
New Year's Resolutions
I'm formulating them in my head. I haven't written them down yet. But I'm feeling really positive right now. I want to make some changes and stick to them. I know that's what everyone wants at this time of year, so I guess just lump me in with the masses. But I had my Y membership before January, so I'm at least still feeling confident about that. More to come on these later.

Drop It Like It's Hot

Sometimes, when I'm taking my dog out to "relieve" himself, I say that to him when he's taking his sweet time finding a poop spot.
I'll be like, "Come on, Boom, drop it like it's hot." And I chuckle to myself a little about my pun (I sure love puns). And then I get annoyed that there's noone around to appreciate it. 'Cause you know, my dog doesn't speak English, so he doesn't laugh at my jokes. He probably wouldn't laugh at my jokes if he did speak English, because honestly, he doesn't seem like he'd be a very accomodating guy. Better that he's mute in the ways of the language.
Anyway, something tells me that it's not what Juvenile, or Pharell, or Snoop D-O-double-G had in mind, but there you go. These are the thoughts that cross my mind while I wander about the minefield with my dog.