Common Sense

Maybe don't listen to Taylor Swift's new album on a day that you're already full up with longing and pathetic when you know that she channels your 15-year-old-whiny-baby-overly-romantic-heart.

Just an fyi.

It Happened Again

I went the entire month of July without posting anything. My brother was here for the first three weeks of the month, and I still don't have internet at home, and work is just too damn busy to spend time posting blogs. So there you have it. Just a quick run-down of life this summer:
My visit with my brother was great. I was sad to see him leave, but I am enjoying the return of naked mornings in my studio apartment.
I am broke (thanks, bro), and trying to cram in the overtime now that I don't have a fifteen year-old to entertain in the evenings, and I'm trying to fund a trip to DC at the end of August.
I'm growing two tomato plants and I ate my first cherry tomato yesterday. It was delicious. However, someone (or something) has stolen two of the big Brandywine tomatoes off of the plant while they were still green. I hope that the other two last to maturity. I've been watching them grow with bated breath.
It is as hot here (and has been for weeks) as I can ever remember it. I must admit that it makes me consider the temperature in Hell and secretly regret my heathen ways.
I am trying to get back on the health track. My work-outs are fine (though I could stand to change it up a bit), but my food intake has been very indulgent; and I'm blaming it on the heat (and working out in the morning leaves me with more time in the evenings) that a beer sounds amazing every single evening when I leave work. The weekday drinking has become a too-often habit.
So, here's to August! Even with the heat, I don't want summer to be on its way out already. I feel like we've only just started getting to know each other.

This Is A Story And You're Not In It, Uh Huh

Ok. It's not a story. That's just a line from a song by Frightened Rabbit that gets stuck in my head all of the time.

I'm running a water station for the Country Music Marathon. I'm about to make a list of all of the tasks that this will require. I like this, because it keeps my brain busy. I like having something constructive taking up my headspace. It's so rare.

I'm reading The Catcher In The Rye for this month's book club. Jesus, Holden Caulfield is wordy. Some of it I can still relate to even at this age, some of it I'm like, "When are you going to shut up, Holden?" I remember reading it in high school and not getting what the big deal was. I hope to get more out of it this time.

Tony's niece and nephew are coming to work with me on Thursday for Kids' Day. I'm also volunteering as a group leader, so I'll be spending the day with a bunch of 8 year olds. Volunteering all over the place for me. Should be fun.

The winter has left me chubbier instead of in better shape. This does not bode well. Life seems to always get in the way of health. I don't know how I did it two years ago, but I need to get back to the magical dedication and will power I had going on then.

My dog has a mohawk. It's starting to grow on me. He pulls it off pretty well, but it still takes me a second to figure out why people are staring at us on our walks.

Mumford's The Word

Thingies:

I got my hair cut again. It basically looks like the cut I got three-ish years ago. It's not quite shoulder-length. I'm pleased with it. Somehow having less hair looks like more hair when you have my hair.

I've been trying to work out and count calories and not be a piglet. My weight on the scales is pretty stagnant, and my thighs are still rebelling in my jeans. I guess two weeks is a little soon to be expecting results. I've just realized that I love food. I think about food. All of the time. I think the world falls into two categories of people, and I fall into the one that thinks about food all of the time. I can't help it. I enjoy it.

I am going to a birthday celebration this evening which involves Indian food and rollerskating. I hope I'm not making a wardrobe mistake by choosing leggings to skate in. They seemed like the most comfortable option.

A work homey sent me Mumford & Songs - Sigh No More yesterday. I recommend. I started on track 7 and then looped back to the beginning. I'm finding the sound to be very pleasing right now.

My new job is...I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess I'm still getting adjusted. I keep having dreams about it. Not the office itself, or the people, but the actual work. That happens to me when I start at a new position, and it usually indicates a degree of stress. I'm a work in progress, I guess.

EXTRA EXTRA

Read all about it:

I'm going to be an extra in a movie that's filming here in Nashville. I have no idea what this really entails or what I'll be doing. But it falls under the category of "new things to do," which was a pre-req for this year's activities.

I am excited but also filled with this startling, freaky piece of self-awareness: I will have to lose ten pounds in the next five weeks in order to look on-screen the way that I look right now! Ha ha. Leave it to me to freak out about such things. It'll probably be that my elbow is the only thing that makes it into the frame.

In other news... I got a haircut, I had a girls' movie night that turned into a girls' domino night. I watched District 9, which did not disappoint.

And. I love my dog. I've started leaving him out of his kennel when I'm gone. So far (two weeks' far), he has done beautifully. It is so much better knowing that he can stretch out on the couch during the day (or evening) if he so chooses than of thinking of him anxiously shivering in his cage, desperately awaiting my return and his freedom.

Now that's what I call: Progerse*.

*I'm currently reading the Sirens Of Titan. That Vonnegut, he really knows how to string some words together. Just the right words, I'd say.

Observatorium

1. Laundromats are dirty places. Which is funny, since you go there to clean your clothes. Which is made even more ironic by the fact that the one I went to last night is called "Squeaky Clean Coin Laundry." It was not squeaky clean.
2. Particle board, if you over-pound it with a hammer, will return to its particular state. The particles will then stick to your butt if you happen to be putting your tv stand together in your underwear because you can't figure out how to turn off your 1970's heater.
3. The secret to selling things on craigslist it to make them very cheap. People don't want your couch for $150. But they do want it for $50. The price must be right. It's like a yard sale on-line.
4. I've gone to this therapist a couple of times now. She tells me things about herself and her prior and current relationships. Maybe it's because I've never been in therapy before, and I know that she's trying to build a rapport with me, but every time she tells me about her ex-husband, I can't help but feel like she's cutting in on my time. I have a lot to say. I'm a talker. I'm paying for this hour, let's not wasting it by talking about you, I want to say. Let's get back to me, I want to say. I can't decide if this says something bad about me as a person. Dr. Melfi never tells Tony Soprano about her ex-husband. So I'm torn.
5. I miss my dog when he goes to see his dad.

Ten Things

I'm stealing this from my friends. Call me a plagiarist, I don't really care.
1. The Spartans made it to the Championship game but didn't win. I still won my office pool though.
2. I am helping with baby shower preparations for next weekend. I'm actually somewhat excited now that I've Googled some activities to contribute.
3. My boyfriend is going to Vegas for almost a week. I don't mind. I think the alone time will be therapeutic, barring the roaches which will no doubt appear on a daily basis once he leaves.
4. I cannot wait for the steamy summer weather. It's around the bend, I can smell it.
5. My dog's face smells like @ss. It's his anal glands. It's disgusting.
6. I am reading This Side Of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my book club, even though I won't be attending it (due to the baby shower). This statement probably makes me a plebeian, but I don't get it. I didn't get The Great Gatsby either. I wonder if that would change now if I read it as an adult, but given my current project, I'd guess no.
7. We finished The Wire. Season 5 didn't live up the precedent set by the first four seasons, but all in all, it's still one of the best shows I've ever watched.
8. I want to go to Africa - Namibia. Botswana. South Africa. Ghana - I'm not picky. I just need to figure out how.
9. I'm starting to sort of like running. I still only do it in 3-6 minute intervals, but that's a hell of a lot more than I ever thought I'd do.
10. I need to buy a new bathing suit this season. Blegh. I don't want to.

Hello. My Name Is Nichole

And I'm depressed.

Missed Connections

On craigslist. Have you ever read these? I didn't know that they existed until about six months ago. Today was only my second perusal. One or two made me teary-eyed. Several made me laugh out loud. A couple were just vulgar. God. People never cease to amaze me. And this time it's in a good way.

http://nashville.craigslist.org/mis/

Where Am I?

Here I am. I've been gone for some time. I've been having what I have just coined "Squishy Brain Time." You know, when your brain just doesn't want to process things? It just wants to lay dormant and let you autopilot for awhile? Does this happen to other people? I'm glad I've come up with such an accurate term to describe it.
My brother was visiting me, which gave me lots of things to ponder. I'm still pondering and digesting those two weeks.
Labor Day is coming and with it the end of the summer. I don't really feel like I took full advantage of my summer, which bums me out. I love the weather of fall, but I hate having to buy new clothes. That may make me the opposite of most women, but I am super cheap and usually broke, and I never feel as confident about my wardrobe in the fall/winter as I do when it's warm.
My cuke plant has borne me some fruit this summer, but the tomatoes never happened. I have ideas for how to make next summer more successful though.
How's that for random?

I Love the Weekend.

I am so tired this morning. I don't know why. I slept like a rock last night. I woke up in a panic because Tony wasn't there. He's been getting up and sleeping on the couch, because he has this heinous cough that's keeping us both up. So I thought that he had done that, but when I look at the clock I see that it's 7 a.m. and he's actually just in the shower. But I never heard him get up.
When I finally ripped myself out of bed, my eyes were still only partially open. It took a half an hour to feel awake, and I wouldn't say that I'm there yet.
I think it could be the overindulgence in the drinks lately. I haven't exercised all week. I'm feeling like a fatty. A tired one. Good thing the weekend is coming, and I get to start over again next week. Oh yeah, and sleep.

Cheesy Pick-up Lines

Are actually my favorite kind. I don't think I'm well-versed enough in the ways of the world to spot a really smooth move, should it have ever been laid upon me. So I'd always be willing to give a guy some credit for even trying these lame 2-liners. Something today brought up my all-time favorites. In descending order...
#1. Guy: You've got great hair.
Girl: (Smiles gratefully) Thanks!
Guy: It would look even better in my lap.
Surprisingly, no one at work had heard this before! And it's been my favorite since I was like 17.

#2. Guy: Are you tired?
Girl: Um...no, why?
Guy: From running through my mind all day.
(This one is particularly funny to me, because this is typically the first time that guy has ever seen girl).

#3. Guy: Are you from Tennessee?
Girl: Actually, yeah I am. Why?
Guy: 'Cause you're the only 10 I see.
(I used to get this one a lot when I was at school in Michigan. I'd always get excited like it was my sweet accent that they were recognizing. Not so much. It usually came from people who already knew that's where I was from anyway.).

#4. Guy: Those are nice jeans.
Girl: Thanks.
Guy: They'd look even better in a ball on my floor.

#5. Guy: Did it hurt?
Girl: Did what hurt?
Guy: You know, when you fell from heaven. Did it hurt?

Oh, my. These are so hilarious to me. I think in my single days, I'd have hooked up with a guy just for being goofy enough to try one out on me. Assuming that he was saying it ironically, of course. Anyway, ladies...I've thrown open the gauntlet (to quote Good Will Hunting...um, and some other guy, I think), I know you've got some. Share and share alike.

Ponderous

Well, it's been kind of a boring weekend. We went to an 80's party on Friday night, which was fun. Tony and I definitely had the best costumes of all the attendees. It should be noted that only our table and about two others even knew about the theme. But the bartenders appreciated our efforts.

Other than that it's been let's lay around and talk about whether or not we should get a new dog. Tony wants one. I want one, just not in our apartment. But then I think, wouldn't it be better to have the puppy mostly trained and ready once we're in our own house, as opposed to starting it all when we're not in a rental property? We pretty much decided that we are both too indecisive about it, and that that is a sign that we aren't ready for dog #2. I did get excited about the prospect of a puppy galumphing about though.

It's time to kick in the overtime. The summer is always harder for me to focus at work. I find myself gazing out the window at the sun and dreaming of the sweet tan that I could be working on by my pool. I find myself craving half days and days off for no reason other than to not be at work.

But. My brother is coming to visit soon, and I'll need extra cash for while he's here, so I need to start padding those paychecks a little. Tony and I also want to move out of this apartment and hopefully into a house when our lease is up here, that means that I need to start paying down some debt and trying to make a little savings nest. That means I need to make more money. That means I need to work overtime. Or get a second job. I think at least until the summer is over, I'll focus on overtime.

Blegh. I'm not feeling it, but sometimes it's necessary. I've also been a little less than stellar at work lately, so I guess it's time to get back to my previous self in that respect as well.

Return

So Michigan was good. I think I'd have enjoyed myself a little more if there weren't other people visiting for the pig roast, and if we'd had more time to chill out with the family (as opposed to preparing for the party day and entertaining guests). My dog had an awesome time galloping through the fields. I got to see my brother, who is finally as tall as me. And my mom was actually around this time. Tony and I re-lived our golden love days for a few hours in East Lansing. My dad gave me some strawberries from his garden. They were amazing. They're going on my list for next year's garden. I hope that we'll be in a house by then so that we can have a real garden. And a compost heap.
I'm kind of on comedown. I don't really know how to describe it, so I won't try.
I gave blood today, so I ate a shit-ton of food and don't have to feel guilty about not working out. Yum, oatmeal creme pies.
My cucumbers have their first flowers. Now I need some bees to get to pollinatin' so that I can get some cukes. I was pretty excited to see that they had gotten huge while we were gone. I came home to tendrils for grasping the trellis and yellow flowers and leaves bigger than my hand. I guess Mother Nature doesn't need me to water my plants after all.

Last Night

Last night I watched a good, but depressing, movie with my boyfriend. It was called The Air I Breathe. I'll be holy crapped if Brendan Fraser and Sarah Michelle Gellar weren't both really impressive. Whilst the movie was playing, I baked some squash. This provided for timely interruptions from the sad things happening on my tv.
To rejuvenate ourselves after the depression, Boomy and I danced around the living room to various pop songs. Tony joined us from the other room. He put on one of my Ladies Golf Day shirts, which is conveniently made to fit short-torso'd women shaped like tater tots. He belly-danced to Shakira's Hips Don't Lie. It was hot. Okay, funny, not hot... The rest of our playlist included:
Our Song - Taylor Swift
Picture to Burn - Taylor Swift
Fergalicious - Fergie
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Dontcha - Pussycat Dolls
Buttons - Pussycat Dolls
Damaged - Danity Kane
Umbrella - Rihanna
Shake It - Metro Station
I'm not gonna' lie. It was awesome. And kind of sweaty. And it made me happy.

I am tired

I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. I am not doing anything too strenuous. Is it my diet? I'm taking supplements.
I'm working for the weekend.
I'm working out.
I'm working overtime.
But I'm not sure what I'm working toward.

April Showers

Boy, am I ready for the summer. The heat. The tank tops. The tan. Bring it on, like a Kirsten Dunst movie. I'm there.
I think I'm moving beyond my weird brain funk of last week. Lots of whirly thoughts, but I got a few short convos in with my bff, and they helped me clear my head a little and relax.
I had a pretty good weekend. Vegged out with the boy toy on Friday after an afternoon at the Country Music Hall of Fame. I have to say that I am growing to appreciate the feeling of waking up on Saturday morning without nausea, headache, or regret. But then I woke up with those on Sunday anyway, and I thought to myself, "Why don't we ever learn?" So anyway, probably bad timing, but I think I'm going to limit my alcohol intake for a while. Although Saturday night was fun. Circle of Death really lived up to its name.
Tony's birthday was on Sunday, and I got him this watch that he really wanted, and he was really a very gracious gift-receiver. You can't argue with someone who coddles and polishes and flashes for the next three days the present you got him for his birthday. I was happy that he liked it so much.
So this Thursday is our five-year anniversary. Five years we've been together. We've been through some shit. We've been through some starry nights and happiness too. Can't help but wonder what's in store for the next five years?

Dream Encyclopedia

I have been having some crazy dreams lately. Sometimes they make absolutely no sense, they're torn from some spasm that my brain was having in hallucinogenic technicolor. Other dreams are practically my real life, and I know exactly what they're about. Catch is, I'm not one of those people who EVER knows that I'm dreaming. My boyfriend says that he can usually stop himself in a bad dream by realizing that it's just a dream. This never happens to me. Maybe once. But I always wake up soaked in relief that I'm not running from a psychopathic killer or searching down endless corridors for a bathroom, only to find a giant room with lots of rickety commodes where I'll be forced to choose the cleanest one and squat upon it in front of other people.
Last night's dream was a very realistic fight with my mother. I'm screaming so intensely that my voice doesn't work. I'm screaming in whispers. And I think I might be pummeling her as well. No question what that's about, since we were fighting about my brother in the dream. No question that I feel guilty and helpless and powerless when I think about the situation. No question that what I say falls on deaf ears anytime I talk to her about it.
The night before last I had several dreams. In one, I had just finished fixing my hair (straightening it, which I never do), and it had turned out quite nicely. Big and beautiful. Until I ran my fingers through it, revealing clumps underneath of what looked like fried potato slices, and turned out to be my scalp flaking off in giant, greasy patches. Words cannot describe my horror. I scraped giant clumps of greasy scalp out, which made a sizable pile. I remember feeling very upset that I would have to wash my hair again after it had turned out so nicely the first time.
My scalp has been a bit flaky lately, but greasy-sliced-potato chunks? Any takers?
Also, in that dream, my apartment looked strangely like Rabbit's hole from Winnie the Pooh. Really, where the hell does my brain come up with this stuff?
I would be oh so happy with one night of happy dreams. To fall asleep and not wake up until it's time to get up for the day.