Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Myriad

Well...so I dyed my hair last night. A first time accomplishment for all by myself, and only the second time in the past ten years that I've dyed it from a box. The results are uniform, and yet I'm not sure how I feel about it. I went dark. Really dark. My natural color is fairly dark, but no one knows that because it's been highlighted for so long. It is quite a shock every time I look in the mirror. True that it does look healthier (i.e. glossier), I just can't decide if it's the right tone for my skin. We'll see how I feel in a week. Maybe it will grow on me. Either way, resolution number 1 is that next time I get my hair "did" I'll spend the extra money for a professional.
On the self-improvement front, I finally did my health assessment at the Y on Tuesday. It was nerve-racking given that my fat-pinching assessor was a male (not unattractive) pretty close to my age. I managed enough somewhat witty banter to calm myself down, but pulling my shirt up so he could pinch the fat around my hip was still a no-thank-you. However, after the pinching, the stretching (which was my lowest score), the weigh-in, the bicep strength test, and the aerobic test, I didn't turn out to be quite as unhealthy as I'd have expected. My weight was a lot lower than I'd thought, and I still think there might be about a 5 lb. error there. My BMI came out at 25%, which just got me into the "fit" category. It will be a good reference point for future goals though. I'm looking forward to more activity and health.
Although you wouldn't know about my new dedication to health based on the ungodly amount of sweets and candies and baked goods and goodies I've managed to inhale this past week. I tell you, it's got something to do with the time of the month too, which I've only recently picked up on, but now that I'm paying attention, is really showing a pattern. More about that for the Long Tall Sally, 'cause I don't really want to get into such things here.
Anyway, I am incredibly, awesomely looking forward to the upcoming week I'll be spending with my family. I'm not looking forward to the drive, but I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I don't know how much to expect to see my mom, but I will be spending most of the end of the week with my brother. Now if I can just find him a Christmas present...for under $40...
Ahh, well. Hopefully my family won't end up driving me crazy by the end of the week, and hopefully they will like my new hair. If not, it's only hair, I suppose. And it is Christmas. With board games, and card games, and fondue, and tree decorating, and probably some slush, which is my aunt's frozen vodka concoction. And how can you go wrong with your family at this time of year?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

New McBlog

I'm starting a new blog. It will hopefully be a tool in my quest to like my body more. That's right. I'm going to invest some time and effort into living a more healthy lifestyle. In the form of trying to eat fewer baked goods and trying to get in more exercise. I'm hoping the blog will be a good motivator and also a way to document my progess. Please, god, let there be progress. So if health isn't your thing...don't read it. I need (+) support. I am considering putting up pre- & post- pictures, but I don't know if that might draw the wrong kind of support. Ha ha.
Anyway...wish me luck. I haven't picked a name yet. If I do well with this new endeavor, hopefully the confidence and good feelings will spill into everything else. And also into Chester Copperpot.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Life Is Good

Tony was offered a position for the job he interviewed for on Monday! It's in the office (as opposed to the warehouse) for the company he currently works for. What's funny is that when he starts his professional career in 2008, he'll already have put in almost 10 years of service at this company. Holy crazy hell. He's going to be one of those examples that the company tells new hires about.
I am so excited for him. He was so bummed out after his interview, because he thought he had screwed it up. I suppose this is what love is. Being as excited about the other's achievement as you would be if it had been your own. And I suppose that this is a milestone or a turning point or something in our life together. Soon we'll both be working adults instead of one working and one semi-working, matriculating adult. We'll be a dink household. We'll be out of the strange limbo period I've felt us to be in and into something new.
In other good news, my car is treating me well after become a legal citizen of Davidson County. That's all I'm saying for fear of jinxing myself.
I feel good about today. I feel like I'm just going to relish this good feeling. Bask in the glory of great news and not worry about all those things that make me worry. Where my life is going? If I'm living up to my own expectations? What's going to happen with my mother and brother? Whether a roach will be waiting for me in my bathroom this evening?
Sometimes it is enough to just take a moment for what it is. And appreciate those good things that life hands out to us occasionally. Love. Employment. Stability. Pets. Enough money to eat grilled cheese and watch Waitress. A warm bed. A favorite song.
I guess my Thanksgiving just came a week late.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Words cannot express the joy of getting your car fixed. I mean, really, they really can't. I'll try anyway. The sum total I've spent since August getting my tags came to $588. That's for three mechanics, a tune up, emissions, two tickets, and the actual price of tags. And while that sends me into a frenzy of panic over how I will ever pay off my credit card, and how I will ever make Christmas happen, much less get to Michigan for the holidays...it is an enormous relief to have my car back. To not be hitching rides to and from work. To not be stuck at home once I've gotten there. To not tremble in fear every time I drive past a cop with my 3-month expired tags.
Ahhh...sweet, sweet freedom. When the lady at MARTA told me I'd passed the test, I seriously wanted to hug her. I broke into this huge grin and told her to have a good day instead. She returned my well wishing halfheartedly. Then I headed to the Hermitage Police Precinct to get my new tags. It was like angels shining down upon me when I stuck that new sticker on.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I will bask in this calming light and ponder whether maybe the universe does transpire to help you achieve the things you need. More on that later.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

The Bug

No, not a post about roaches this time, although there was one in the bathroom last night that I thankfully did not see, but it managed to make Tony whimper in fear. I pledged my fealty to him after he zapped it into oblivion with bleach and disposed of it in the toilet.
Ok, this wasn't supposed to be a roach post. So no, the bug I'm referencing here is that bug that gets into me every year about this time. Just as Thanksgiving is coming, short work weeks, a chill in the air (unless you live in Middle Tennessee, where the temperature is still in the 70's...), that space between Thanksgiving and Christmas when there are extra baked goods lying about, and your dedicated work ethic starts to plunge. Off the charts.
I have no enthusiasm. I have no will. I want to sit at my desk and surf the Internet. Or better yet, chat with my co-workers, torture my cubemate with useless chatter. Anything but focus. And drink coffee in an attempt to keep from eating chocolates.
Alas, no bah humbug, although I'm not much into the actual spirit of the holidays. Money is tight after FINALLY getting the car legal. Paying tickets, paying mechanics, repaying friends who toted me around for weeks with gift cards. I feel I'm definitely on the edge of an abyss. How am I going to buy Christmas presents? That's what makes Christmas for me...hmmm.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Life Is a Musical

Ok. It's not. And ok, I stole that line from Andre 3000...but there are a few songs that fill me with longing whilst I sit at my desk with my headphones on. Something about these songs makes me want to break out into song and dance and have all of my co-workers join me in choreographed dance numbers. Is that weird? Do other people do this? Sometimes I think I might do well as a character on Scrubs.
Hmm...so my weekend was action packed, considering my boyfriend was out of town. I hit up the Riverdale-Smyrna high school football game to watch Tony's cousin play, and while Smyrna was our crosstown rival, that's only the second time I've stepped into their football stadium. It was filled with all of the scary teenagers you might imagine. Every time I end up with Tony's family for some function and his teenaged cousins are around, I find myself thanking God that I'm no longer that age and wonder how anyone ever survives high school. It's like a time bomb of nerves and stress and drama and a bunch of kids who think they are the shit. Only to discover once you graduate that yes, there is life beyond high school, that does not revolve around you. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
Almost like the giant roach I chased into the linen closet the other night. All by myself. No Tony to pick up the carcass, which is lucky since I didn't manage to kill it but instead chased it into the refuge of my towels and extra blankets. Nice.
Saturday found me yard saling. I don't think I was magnificent, but it was a fun day. I came home with a nice little profit (which I managed to spend later that night) and some funny stories:
-an unnamed party who let out a dainty little squeak (and by squeak I mean fart) while lugging around a king sized mattress.
-a very happy couple who took home the Black Jesus.
-and yes, I did regale an unfortunate couple with the joys of watching Brad Pitt eat finger food all through Ocean's Eleven. Watch it - you'll see exactly what I mean.
Then there was a hockey game with my pal, Lacy, who I love very much but hardly see. Then there was a lot of drinking, Mafiaoza's pizza which I never got a bite of, and a search for my keys (and H20) when we finally made it home.
Sunday Lacy took me to the Titans game (my first ever!), but I didn't fully enjoy it due to my lack of restraint the previous evening combined with the onset of allergy city. Sunday evening, finally curled up on my couch, still a little wary of six-legged pests, the allergies set in and rendered me useless.
Anyway, it was a good weekend. Full of adventure. Next weekend we're driving to Michigan for the MSU-UM game. I get to see lots of kids I went to college with and my best friend. And I'll get to see my family for brunch before coming back home. I'm pretty excited.
Car's back in the shop (again), so Tony will probably have to drive. I'm not complaining though. He's got the cd player.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Yard Sale

So today is the big day. I don't think I've kept y'all very updated about my life, just the random thoughts that wander through my mind. Well, for about the last two weeks, I've been helping my friend, The Mullet, prep for our "joint" yard sale. I use "joint" as loosely as possible, considering I've contributed about 1/8 of the goods.
So now I'm scarfing down some Special K Red Berries (yum) and getting ready to head over there. I have to say, I'm a mixture of excited and nervous...I guess that would be anxious. I think it's going to be really fun haggling with people and watching things get sold, but I've never done this before, and it occurred to me this morning that I'm also a little intimidated by the task. So we'll see how it goes. Hopefully we'll sell a ton of stuff and still be in relatively high spirits by the end of it.
In other news, I took my car to the mechanic yesterday...for about the fifth time this month - and that's not an exaggeration - to see what's up with my check engine light. And, after two tickets for my expired tags, I went ahead and failed my emissions test, so hopefully if I get pulled over again, I can show that I've tried. Oh, frustration.
At least if I sell some junk I'll have the money for whatever repairs my car may need this time.

Friday, October 26, 2007

I Had No Idea...No, Really

Well, until J.K. Rowling outed Dumbley-dore last week, I had no idea what fanfiction was. No idea that there are people so inspired by Harry Potter (and LOTR and Star Trek) that they make up their own stories, art, and character relationships based on her characters. No idea that there are websites and magazines totally devoted to these discussions and ideas and works of fiction/art. So I decided to browse a little, and check wikipedia.org (my favorite source for all things knowable), and lo and behold...there are even genres based on homosexual relationships between the characters - slash!
So I checked out some sites. I found one that focuses exclusively on relationships between Hermione/Harry, Malfoy/Ginny, Ron/Luna & Lily/James. Note that the last one is the only one that stays true to the book, and also that Ron gets stuck with Looney (apparently he's not good enough for Hermione...that's a whole different discussion for another day). Well, I'm not going to get into all of those aspects of whether I agree or disagree with what some people like to think about HP & Company.
I guess it just makes me wonder if I'm far less creative than other fans. I mean, it just doesn't occur to me to sit down and write an ending for Harry that's different from the one that Rowling has given him. And I certainly don't want to imagine these characters in explicit sexual situations. That's why I chose to read a children's/fantasty book about an eleven year old. Yes, I know that they all get older, and we get some snogging (yea!), but I don't want to imagine Harry in a situation any more compromising than that. I have to admit that while I do see the creativity there, and the imagination in saying, "Well, she did this with them, but what if it went this way..." I think I'm far more content to let it stay Rowling's work and Rowling's creation. To me, I have no authority to go around changing what she's chosen for her own characters or re-writing the world that she's made for me. Then again..."maybe I'm just like my father, he's never satisfied." Ha ha.
After my perusing I again was left with that feeling of being amazed by the many sub-cultures in our world. And also being a little excited that there are definitely people in the world that are far more concerned with the magical world created by J.K. than I am. This is yet another "whole 'nother world" that I had absolutely no awareness of until a week ago, and yet it has been putting right along for years.
Humph.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Drop It Like It's Hot

Sometimes, when I'm taking my dog out to "relieve" himself, I say that to him when he's taking his sweet time finding a poop spot.
I'll be like, "Come on, Boom, drop it like it's hot." And I chuckle to myself a little about my pun (I sure love puns). And then I get annoyed that there's noone around to appreciate it. 'Cause you know, my dog doesn't speak English, so he doesn't laugh at my jokes. He probably wouldn't laugh at my jokes if he did speak English, because honestly, he doesn't seem like he'd be a very accomodating guy. Better that he's mute in the ways of the language.
Anyway, something tells me that it's not what Juvenile, or Pharell, or Snoop D-O-double-G had in mind, but there you go. These are the thoughts that cross my mind while I wander about the minefield with my dog.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Pick Your Poison

Well, I guess I didn't do a very good opinion poll before picking these apartments last December. Seems if I had done a better Google search I'd have come up with a few more negative reviews.
But it appears that the reason they sprayed for spiders in the spring was due to a heavy brown recluse infestation. I've hit two or three reviews this afternoon with details about the serious spider problems. We thought they were using "spiders" as a code word for "roaches," but it looks like the spiders are the real problem around here.
So I guess at least roaches aren't poisonous...so maybe we got lucky after all. Ahhh.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

today i feel kind of sick

Like the kind of sick you feel when you've eaten too many cookies. Although to be honest, that doesn't happen to me very often, because I can really put away some cookies. There are a couple of things making me feel this way, but I think the top of the list is my mother.
There's been a lot of drama in the Nichole House for the past year, mitigated by my mother and her new beau and the unfortunate events surrounding his miserable existence.
I don't suppose that it's appropriate to get into such things in a public forum. But let's suffice it to say that I am not happy with my mother's choice in men and what with my brother being thirteen, her choice in men isn't something that only has an effect on her.
Well, and on Thursday I found out that she didn't file the divorce papers like she said she was going to (once he was in jail). And she's "undecided" about what she's going to do, which means that for the second time since June she has decided not to file for a divorce.
Perhaps a little back story is necessary. My mom met this guy last summer. She married him on Christmas Eve. He's a "recovering" alcoholic with an ex-wife and three kids in Chile. For the past year my mother has been a crazy person that I do not recognize. This woman is not the same woman who raised me.
And thinking about it all and what it means for my brother, and what it says about my mother and what her priorities are just makes me literally sick to my stomach. It makes me worry about so many things. Whether my brother will be safe in his own home. What the man is teaching my brother. What my mother is filling his head with to make him accept "Beau" being back in their house again. Whether my brother will lose all his trust in my mother after she says one thing and does another regarding very important situations in their lives. How my brother is going act out when he gets frustrated. What my brother is going to learn about men and women and relationships living in their house. How he'll vent his anger. What he'll be getting into while my mother is worried about the other man who's the priority in her life.
I just feel overwhelmed by all of it. I don't know how my brother feels about everything. I don't even know how much she has talked to him about it. I just feel disgusted that my mother would put a man before her own child and that she fails to see that that's what she's doing. It makes me sick.
And I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to talk to her. I am at a loss.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Jinx

Well, I'm a firm believer in most things superstitious, which is why I should have known better than to post that "don't get a ticket" New Quarter's Resolution.
Guess who got a ticket last night? For her expired tags? On the same night she was taking her car to the shop once her boyfriend got home?
Yep, yours truly. What's funny is that it was darkish, 'cause I had worked some overtime, and I was cruising down the road, and I see these two motorcycles next to me, and they make me a little nervous, because I hate motorcycles on the road. The entirely likely possibility of them hitting something small and spinning out of control and then me running over a human body totally freaks me out. That's not to mention all of those a*holes on crotch rockets who drive really fast and do tricks. They are just asking for it.
But so anyway, the two motorcycles with retina-searing headlights pull in really tightly behind me, and I'm actually cussing them to stop riding my ass when they turn their lights on. And I'm like, "God Damnit. What kind of luck do I have, really?"
I have only been pulled over four times in my driving career. And I have cried every time but once (because the one time was so ridiculous). My crying comes from frustration. I also clam up. I'm not a mouthy girl when it comes to figures of authority, or anyone really, but I did tell him that I haven't gotten new tags yet because I am trying to get my engine light to go off. I didn't mention that I was taking my car to the shop in three hours because I figured it would sound like I was making stuff up anyway.
I think the guy felt kind of bad by the time I was silently wiping the tears away, but he still gave me the fucking ticket.
And at this point, I just want to scream, "I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THAT GODDAMN LIGHT TO GO OFF SINCE THE FIRST WEEK OF AUGUST. THE FIRST GUY CHARGED ME $250 TO NOT FIX IT. I'VE BEEN BACK AND FORTH FROM ADVANCE AUTOPARTS & FIRESTONE AUTOCARE & THIS NEW WEIRD GUY WITH A GIANT DOG AND WHO STARES DOWN MY SHIRT FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS. DON'T YOU THINK IF I HAD THE MONEY FOR A TICKET I'D HAVE GOTTEN MY GD CAR FIXED SOONER!?!"
Well, that's what I want to say. Instead I cry a little more intensely. And get pissed at all of the passersby who have to slow down just to look at me getting a ticket. "Nothing to see here people. Keep fucking moving." But I just merge back in, with the help of the oh-so-pleasant motorcops. And I drive my whiney baby ass back home. Where I fume for a while.
Then I convince myself that there are worse things than tickets and dirty mechanics and roaches and credit report disputes. And today I can see the irony. And I can appreciate that there are worse problems to have. But sometimes a girl just wants to have a pity party. And I did.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Torture

Why must office ladies place fishbowls full of candy on their desks? Don't they know my weakness? Yes, I think they do. Are they just trying to show off their invulnerability? Now I must spend my day averting my eyes from the Tootsie Rolls that are haunting me. Grrrr.
Everything in moderation, right? Just eat one or two. Well, my belly knows no moderation. It's sort of an all-or-nothing thing with me. So I must resist all day, until about 5:30. Because once I pop, I literally cannot stop. I know this because on Tuesday I ate 14 Tootsie Roll midgees and four Starbursts. I know this because I was thinking the damage wasn't so bad, and when I doubted myself I decided that the only way to know for sure was to count the wrappers in my garbage can. Yes, by 6:00 that evening my tally was 14.
Once I've let myself have five or six, I think, "Ok, I'll just eat them all today and then I won't be susceptible to their charms anymore because they'll be gone." Then I get to work the next morning, and the bowl has magically refilled. Horror of horrors.
So anyway, I had cut out the sweets at work for the most part (and this was mainly because the supply had ceased to exist), and now I have to retrain myself again. It would be so much easier if she would just stop putting them out there. I must be strong. Sometimes I feel like maybe I do know what it's like to quit smoking, because I am certainly addicted to sugar.
Here's to day 1 of sobriety.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The SartoriaList

So my friend, Jen, introduced me to one of her girlfriends who just so happens to be a fashionista. And I mean this in the most literal sense of the term. She's a stylist who works with all kinds of clients and lived in New York and was a fashion editor and crazy, crazy life - I'm always so inspired and slightly intimidated by such people - who I always feel have lived so much more than me.
I somehow ended up in a store with her at the mall, and I went into instapanica about what I was wearing and what I was buying and how none of it was remotely fashionable in the trendsetting sense of the term. Or in any term besides high school American Eagle-wear. Not exactly high fashion. Or any fashion, unless you're still seventeen. Which apparently, I am. Well, anyway, Libby-fashionista-pants mentioned the SartoriaList.com and how she loves it so. I had no idea what it was and decided to check it out.
And wow. Do I feel un-stylish. Do I feel like a child. Do I feel like a virgin thrown into a cell with a pack of prostitutes. Not to imply that the stylish are whores. Just trying to analogize my feeling of being completely and utterly ignorant of entire facets of life.
So anyway, I try to check it every few days and see what he's posted. Sometimes I like the pics. Sometimes I hate them. I esp. like when he gives an explanation for why he liked a certain person, because it helps me understand things like balance and shape that I wouldn't think of on my own. Often when he doesn't do this, I feel totally lost, and I think that really, an attractive, thin person can get away with anything. Because sometimes that's all it looks like to me.
But hey, his whole philosophy for starting the site was to shoot pics of people with style that inspired him. So far the inspiration is much smaller for me than the incredible fear of what he'd think of me if he saw me walking down the street. It's not as if I'm hideous, but I'm mostly a simple basics kind of girl. No skinny jeans, no balloon tops, no bondage type heels. Call me practical, but well, I think I'll always prefer a nicely shaped dress to the above. I have accepted my non-trendiness. I will never be that girl who has all of the latest fall fashions, a slim figure, flawless makeup and a great haircut. (Although I'm starting to think that everyone who lives in a major city is this woman. Boy, am I starting to sympathize with Ugly Betty. I knew there was a reason that I loved her). I am lucky to have maybe good hair and a pair of jeans that I like. I watch The Hills, and I'm just amazed by the constant flow of trendy clothing. Nevermind actually choosing what to wear, I couldn't afford it if I could locate a sense of style!
But alas, I am going to keep checking in every so often, even if I never get the balls to comment on how I think that bag she's carrying looks like an 80's gym bag and is so not cute to me. I'm open to inspiration. I'm open to trying something a little outside of my box. So I'll keep looking and see what he's got. Maybe sometime there will be something that I'm not too afraid to consider.

Monday, September 24, 2007

rancho carney

Two tablespoons of dressing turns out to be quite enough for a salad. Who knew?
In other news, I've got some New Quarter's Resolutions:
1) Only hit the Snooze button once.
2) Get to bed by 11 on weeknights (already breaking this one tonight as I'm going to WalMart with Tony to get Halo 3. Ooooh. Aaaah).
3) Take Boom for a walk every morning before work (excluding rain, of course).
4) Exercise during the week and get a day in on the weekend.
5) Learn to rollerskate like a pro.
6) Start blogging more.
7) Stop charging things to the credit card so I can get it paid off in a year or two.
8) Get the check engine light on my car to go off & get new tags before getting a ticket!
9) Don't get too tanked at tailgates this year.
10) Eat more vegetables.
What is it they say if you do something ten or fourteen days in a row then it becomes habit? Hmm...here's to better habits! Cheers!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

spring cleaning

So I've changed a few things around here. That darkness just wasn't for me. I needed some brightness around here. Also, I'll be writing with correct punctuation, I think.
I've started reading The Hobbit for my book club, which I've read many times, but not in the last few years, and I was struck by a sentence, so I'll share. Here's the sentence: "The dark came into the room from the little window that opened in the side of The Hill..." (Tolkien 21)*. Anyway, I liked the idea of the darkness coming in rather than the light going out. Maybe it's not that novel, but it struck me as a nice sentence. The only bad thing about library books is that you can't make notes in them. I love reading a book that I've made notes in years after the fact and seeing how much I have changed in my reactions to things.
Beyond themes of darkness...nothing. That's all there is today. Besides my 9-layer Tuscan lasagna (a la Sam's Choice brand) of which I will momentarily be enjoying a second helping.
More tomorrow about the crazy creditors and the difference between nauseous and nauseating.

*You're not getting a bibliography, so that's the extent of my citing.

Monday, September 17, 2007

so i've done a terrible job

I've managed to let 6 months pass without writing a single thing. Way to stick to your guns, Nichole. Well, I realized what part of the problem is. Writing a good blog requires reflection. Not just something funny or witty or embarassing, but taking a look at a moment of your day and realizing the importance of it, or putting two and two together to learn some kind of lesson. So I think that may be why I've been so intimidated recently, because I have been thinking about what to write (but not actually writing) for a while. Also, I tend to lean toward more depressing/honest topics for this blog, which scares me when I think that people I actually know may be reading it.
So here's to starting all over again, and reflecting on things.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

things i have learned today

Well, I stayed home sick from work today. Some kind of allergy/cold thing. I watched a lot of daytime TV and slept. I wouldn't say it was nice, since I felt like crap for most of it, but I did learn some interesting things.
1. Bob Barker puts up with some crazy ass weirdos on that show. I'll bet that he is counting down the days toward his retirement with an unparalleled anticipation.
2. A lot of old people are home during the day. You can tell by the commercials that are played during a show who the network believes is in the audience. Soap operas - diaper commercials. MTV - video game and condom commercials. America's Next Top Model - e.p.t. and Cover Girl commercials. The Price Is Right - Colonial Penn Life Insurance and those little motorized scooter commercials. And Rx commercials. I can't count the number of times I heard the word "Medicare" today.
3. The human body is an amazing thing. All those Lipitor and osteoporosis commercials really made me think about the human body and what a finely tuned instrument it is. With all those organs and systems and cells and parts working together, it's amazing that we work at all. When you think of the human body as just an earthly vessel, it's not surprising to find that in the end we all break down.
4. The side effects of a drug, regardless of its benefits, are enough to scare me away from it. It amazes me that we ever found medicine in the first place, given that the medicine we're taking for our blood pressure or cholesterol affects our liver function and vice versa. Fixing one thing in the body can have far-reaching and unknown consequences in some other part. How do doctors even know where to look for side effects when they're testing these meds to be sure that they are safe? It boggles the mind.
5. Ice cream sandwiches must have been created with the intent of soothing a sore throat. They are cold and soothing (and delicious) with a layer of graham cracker-like protection to shield the teeth from too much cold when taking delectable bites. Their major flaw is that they aren't all that good for me and that they can't be ingested in a continuous flow.

Monday, March 19, 2007

reverse psychology

ok, so i am a book reader. i love reading, and i love books. i am often that person who read the book first and never likes the movie, because movies can never live up to the books that they're based on. it's a fact. like i would get really pissed about the harry potter movies, and how they would add elements to it that weren't anywhere in the book - like those stupid shrunken heads on the knight bus, and aunt marge floating through the neighborhood in the prisoner of azkaban, all the while leaving out the entire explanation of the animagi and the marauder's map. now, i know i sound like a total dork right now, but i think i stated above that i love reading.
so anyway, i get really mad when the movies don't stay true to the books. it's as if the book didn't provide enough wit or humor or feeling or plot, and the producers and editors and screen adaptors thought they could do better.
now don't get me wrong, i understand that books are far more dense than the amount of time available for a movie. so anyway, this time i did it the other way around. i watched the movie about a boy back when it came out, and i absolutely loved it. it took me a while to realize that it was a book first, and it took me even longer to find the book.
so now, i have just finished it today. and i must say that i am soooo glad i watched the movie first, because although it takes part of the excitement away knowing what's going to happen, i would have hated the movie had i read the book first. the movie sticks with the plot, and a lot of the lines were worked in, but the ending is totally different. and while the movie ending is cute, the book's ending is preferable.
look - only took the weekend off - i'm improving! even if this entry IS fodder.

Friday, March 16, 2007

ok, well

so i haven't done a very good job at all. half of march has gone by, and this is only my second blog. but i am making a commitment to do better.
i've been feeling depressed lately. not sure what it is. well, some things i can identify, and others i can't. por ejemplo, when i get bored i pore over myspace. i notice that some people say things like, "i love my life" in their about me's. even my boyfriend tells me he loves his life. and i think to myself, "what would it take for you to make that declaration?" sometimes i think i don't even like myself that much anymore. and i don't know why. i'm not a particularly horrible person. i guess i've always been insecure, but it seems to be getting worse with age.
i think a big part of it is that i don't feel like i'm doing anything with my life. i mean, i have a good job and i enjoy the people i work with and i like the company i work for. but i sometimes wonder if i'm settling. my problem is that college was my main goal. going to michigan state is the goal i made, and i stuck to it, and i graduated, but i guess i've felt sort of lost ever since. i was so good at school that even as a college student i wasn't really thinking about a career or being a grown up. i was just enjoying all that learning and having trouble figuring out where it was going to take me.
my freshman year of high school one of my teachers got mad at me, because i was in the standard pre-algebra class and not the honor's one. she kept hounding me to get into the honor's class, but math was my weakest subject, and i was afraid to do poorly, so i avoided it. also, it would require me to rearrange my entire schedule, and i already liked all of the people in my classes. one day she pulled me aside and, well, she didn't yell, but she lectured...and she told me that i was "coasting". "you are coasting," she said, "you should be taking the honor's class."
anyway, my point is that i know i'm coasting now. and there's no mrs. seymore to push me. i've always been afraid of failing, and i've always been seeking someone's approval, and i don't know what i should be doing. for fear of sucking i'm coasting.
so i guess i have to decide what to do about it. or maybe i need to work on being less critical and try to start appreciating all the things that i do have. or maybe i need to do both.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

hmmm...

You know, every day on my drive home from work, my brain is brimming with things to write about, positively brimming. Like today, I was thinking about my ear wax being impacted, and my dog's anal glands being impacted, and how sad it is that I know about anal glands, and how sad it is that we both have a bodily fluid/substance impacted at all.
Then I get home, and I sit at my desk, and I check all the things that there are to check each day, and all of those great ideas have already left me by the time I get here.
I should try to work on that.