Slow Night, So Long

Well, not really. I just thought it had been a while, and I should update. I should do better. I should draft, and edit, and plan ahead, and think about what I want to write before I write it. I could probably make this better, if I tried. I'm kind of annoyed with myself for not being more consistent. It seems like work. I should look forward to it, right? Not feel guilty. What an idiot, right? Geez. It's a flipping blog that two people, okay, maybe three people, read. I guess I'm depressed. It's my pre-m.s. It took me about twelve years to realize the ways in which my lady cycle affects my thoughts. I'm still getting a hold on that one. So, I'll make a list of sorts.

1. My credit card is currently residing in my freezer. In a block of ice. In an attempt to stop using it and start paying it down. I'm certainly realizing now how often I was whipping that puppy out and charging my life away. Christmas is going to be interesting this year. My list consists of Tony and Austin. Sorry family and friends.
2. I haven' talked to my mother since October. The beginning of October. I realized this on Friday. I should call her, but I don't know what to talk about. I feel guilty about not calling her, but then I remind myself that she doesn't call me either. It's bad, where we are right now, but I don't know how to make it better. If we do talk, we'll tiptoe around the things making it bad, or we'll argue about them, but either way it will stay the same. The situation is stagnant.
3. My car wouldn't start the other night. It was hitting it's "November-piss-Nichole-off" scheduled maintenance request. Tony replaced the battery for me while I was at work. Have I ever mentioned that I have a dreamboat boyfriend? I really do. He's the reason that my credit card is in a block of ice and the only reason I'm surviving without it.
4. Say what you will about the Kings of Leon, but that new album makes me want to take my clothes off and dance. This is the PG-13 version of what it actually makes me want to do once my clothes are off, but you get the idea, no? We went to the concert. Maybe it was a mistake to stand out on the floor, but I wanted to dance. I was surrounded by high school. They made me feel old. Really old, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless. My boyfriend played the drums on my ribs the whole night. This sounds annoying, but it was actually quite endearing. It fulfilled some fantasy I've had pretty much since I discovered boys and love: watching a show with a man standing behind me and his arms wrapped around me. I'm not gonna lie, some of my dance moves were a bit wobbly, it was good to have something to hold onto.
5. The holidays are coming. It'll be weird to not eat turkey, especially since it'll probably be the most healthy and nutritious item on the menu. Oh well, there will be lots of fried, baked and otherwise concocted veggies. I'm excited about putting a tree up, that's my favorite part.
6. I'm ready to get the eff up out of this shitty, roach-infested, claustrophobic apartment. February will come, but I have a feeling that we won't be out of here for a few or more months after that.
7. I need to get back to the regularly scheduled workout regimen. Here I come, Middle Tennessee YMCA. I love what you've done with the place, now let's see what we can do with these little fatty pancakes in my trouble zones. Hello, intervals, Pilates, and strength-training. The winter is better for such things anyway.
8. TV shows you should Netflix: Californication, Weeds, Dead Like Me. TV shows I'm waiting for: Pushing Up Daisies, Ugly Betty Season 3, and Arrested Development Season 3.

Knock You on Your Ass Sensor

Haven't heard of that? A knock sensor is this little mechanism on your car's engine that monitors the gasoline/spark plug/piston chugging of your engine to optimize the timing of the explosion. (That's a rough description - don't quote me on it). That little gizmo cost me over $600 to identify and correct last year. And it was just loose, which is why it took four mechanics to figure out why my check engine light wouldn't go off so that I could pass my emissions test.
And apparently, it has struck again. I took my car to Autozone last night after work so that they could run the diagnostic on it. It came back as the knock sensor again. So I guess I'll be taking it back to Trickett Honda, where they'll probably charge me another $100 to tighten it, so that it can loosen again in six months.
Jesus Christo. Sometimes, I just want to run my car into a pond and claim that it's been stolen. Or I wish that it would spontaneously combust while I'm not in it. I have about a year left to pay on it, and it has cost me so much extra money in repairs and tows and tickets (for expired registration), that at this point I could have bought a brand new Honda and saved myself the time and trouble. Cuss, cuss, cuss. I mean, it would be worth four more years of car payments if I could get rid of this p.o.s. car without paying the remaining balance. But that doesn't happen in the real world, now does it?
Note to self: Suck it up, honey. You're building character. It could be worse, right?

MFer

My mother heffing check engine light came back on again this morning! Really, Honda car gods? Do you hate me so? The answer to that is, yes. Words will not describe my furor if I have to spend the extra money coming to me this week on another fucking car repair. GD, lemon. Ugh.

Life Is Good

Tony was offered a position for the job he interviewed for on Monday! It's in the office (as opposed to the warehouse) for the company he currently works for. What's funny is that when he starts his professional career in 2008, he'll already have put in almost 10 years of service at this company. Holy crazy hell. He's going to be one of those examples that the company tells new hires about.
I am so excited for him. He was so bummed out after his interview, because he thought he had screwed it up. I suppose this is what love is. Being as excited about the other's achievement as you would be if it had been your own. And I suppose that this is a milestone or a turning point or something in our life together. Soon we'll both be working adults instead of one working and one semi-working, matriculating adult. We'll be a dink household. We'll be out of the strange limbo period I've felt us to be in and into something new.
In other good news, my car is treating me well after become a legal citizen of Davidson County. That's all I'm saying for fear of jinxing myself.
I feel good about today. I feel like I'm just going to relish this good feeling. Bask in the glory of great news and not worry about all those things that make me worry. Where my life is going? If I'm living up to my own expectations? What's going to happen with my mother and brother? Whether a roach will be waiting for me in my bathroom this evening?
Sometimes it is enough to just take a moment for what it is. And appreciate those good things that life hands out to us occasionally. Love. Employment. Stability. Pets. Enough money to eat grilled cheese and watch Waitress. A warm bed. A favorite song.
I guess my Thanksgiving just came a week late.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Words cannot express the joy of getting your car fixed. I mean, really, they really can't. I'll try anyway. The sum total I've spent since August getting my tags came to $588. That's for three mechanics, a tune up, emissions, two tickets, and the actual price of tags. And while that sends me into a frenzy of panic over how I will ever pay off my credit card, and how I will ever make Christmas happen, much less get to Michigan for the holidays...it is an enormous relief to have my car back. To not be hitching rides to and from work. To not be stuck at home once I've gotten there. To not tremble in fear every time I drive past a cop with my 3-month expired tags.
Ahhh...sweet, sweet freedom. When the lady at MARTA told me I'd passed the test, I seriously wanted to hug her. I broke into this huge grin and told her to have a good day instead. She returned my well wishing halfheartedly. Then I headed to the Hermitage Police Precinct to get my new tags. It was like angels shining down upon me when I stuck that new sticker on.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I will bask in this calming light and ponder whether maybe the universe does transpire to help you achieve the things you need. More on that later.

Yard Sale

So today is the big day. I don't think I've kept y'all very updated about my life, just the random thoughts that wander through my mind. Well, for about the last two weeks, I've been helping my friend, The Mullet, prep for our "joint" yard sale. I use "joint" as loosely as possible, considering I've contributed about 1/8 of the goods.
So now I'm scarfing down some Special K Red Berries (yum) and getting ready to head over there. I have to say, I'm a mixture of excited and nervous...I guess that would be anxious. I think it's going to be really fun haggling with people and watching things get sold, but I've never done this before, and it occurred to me this morning that I'm also a little intimidated by the task. So we'll see how it goes. Hopefully we'll sell a ton of stuff and still be in relatively high spirits by the end of it.
In other news, I took my car to the mechanic yesterday...for about the fifth time this month - and that's not an exaggeration - to see what's up with my check engine light. And, after two tickets for my expired tags, I went ahead and failed my emissions test, so hopefully if I get pulled over again, I can show that I've tried. Oh, frustration.
At least if I sell some junk I'll have the money for whatever repairs my car may need this time.

Jinx

Well, I'm a firm believer in most things superstitious, which is why I should have known better than to post that "don't get a ticket" New Quarter's Resolution.
Guess who got a ticket last night? For her expired tags? On the same night she was taking her car to the shop once her boyfriend got home?
Yep, yours truly. What's funny is that it was darkish, 'cause I had worked some overtime, and I was cruising down the road, and I see these two motorcycles next to me, and they make me a little nervous, because I hate motorcycles on the road. The entirely likely possibility of them hitting something small and spinning out of control and then me running over a human body totally freaks me out. That's not to mention all of those a*holes on crotch rockets who drive really fast and do tricks. They are just asking for it.
But so anyway, the two motorcycles with retina-searing headlights pull in really tightly behind me, and I'm actually cussing them to stop riding my ass when they turn their lights on. And I'm like, "God Damnit. What kind of luck do I have, really?"
I have only been pulled over four times in my driving career. And I have cried every time but once (because the one time was so ridiculous). My crying comes from frustration. I also clam up. I'm not a mouthy girl when it comes to figures of authority, or anyone really, but I did tell him that I haven't gotten new tags yet because I am trying to get my engine light to go off. I didn't mention that I was taking my car to the shop in three hours because I figured it would sound like I was making stuff up anyway.
I think the guy felt kind of bad by the time I was silently wiping the tears away, but he still gave me the fucking ticket.
And at this point, I just want to scream, "I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THAT GODDAMN LIGHT TO GO OFF SINCE THE FIRST WEEK OF AUGUST. THE FIRST GUY CHARGED ME $250 TO NOT FIX IT. I'VE BEEN BACK AND FORTH FROM ADVANCE AUTOPARTS & FIRESTONE AUTOCARE & THIS NEW WEIRD GUY WITH A GIANT DOG AND WHO STARES DOWN MY SHIRT FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS. DON'T YOU THINK IF I HAD THE MONEY FOR A TICKET I'D HAVE GOTTEN MY GD CAR FIXED SOONER!?!"
Well, that's what I want to say. Instead I cry a little more intensely. And get pissed at all of the passersby who have to slow down just to look at me getting a ticket. "Nothing to see here people. Keep fucking moving." But I just merge back in, with the help of the oh-so-pleasant motorcops. And I drive my whiney baby ass back home. Where I fume for a while.
Then I convince myself that there are worse things than tickets and dirty mechanics and roaches and credit report disputes. And today I can see the irony. And I can appreciate that there are worse problems to have. But sometimes a girl just wants to have a pity party. And I did.
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.