Yo-yo

No. Not like a rapper. Like a child's plaything. This is what I am. What I feel like. I hate to be so whiny, but christ, could my mind make up its mind at some point? I feel like I'm at the whim of a small, whiny child who wants to simultaneously bring me joy and throw me down a flight of stairs. Today I feel okay. Yesterday I thought I was going to fall apart at every moment. The day before that I not only felt like I was going to fall apart at any moment, but did, on more than one occasion.
I would just like to hit on a moment of clarity that actually sticks with me. I would like to make up my mind about something and maintain it. Not find that twenty minutes later I am frustrated about the same thing that I talked myself out of being angry about only minutes before. I would like to maintain my resolve, I guess is what I'm saying.
I am angry. I am sad. I feel disillusioned. Mostly with myself. I'm disappointed in myself. I feel naive about my expectations. I'm no longer sure of anything. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I was excited about my new apartment, but now I feel overwhelmed by fear and loathing (but not in Las Vegas).
Make a decision, brain! I beg you! Make a decision and actually stick with it. Maybe this is all part of the process. Maybe I'm being impatient. I am sort of impatient.
Fine. I will wait it out. I will see if this is going anywhere good. I will hope that this is all a part of getting me to where I want to be.